Lord Beardschlimmer Wilhelm Bartholomew III – Page 2

Nintendo Reissue Rules

So I was checking out of Best Buy with some cheap retro Blu-rays, and I happen to see something stuffed in a box called “Classic NES.” I saw that it had thirty games built into it and had a tiny NES console, so I price-checked it and found out it was $60. I had to get it!

How was it? Unbelievably good! It just loaded right up with a menu of thirty games, all representing the classic original NES games but in high definition. My main interest in buying the system was to see if the games held up or if I was just wallowing in nostalgia. The answer to this query is that the games mostly do hold up, and some of them almost seem better today than when they were first available.

“Punch-Out,” for example, from which Mike Tyson appears to have been deleted, is still one of the greatest boxing games ever made. Even with 8-bit graphics and sound, the game rules. I also still really like “Donkey Kong” “Donkey Kong Jr.,” “Mario Bros.,” and the first three “Super Mario Bros.” games. I was very surprised that I still found these games addictive.

Other games include the first two “Castlevania” games (which still hold up beautifully), the original “Metroid,” the first “Kirby” game, “Super Contra” (still insanely hard), “Ghosts ‘N Goblins” “Kid Icarus,” “Ice Climber,” “Balloon Fight,” “Ninja Gaiden,” “Gradius,” “Double Dragon II: The Revenge,” and “Tecmo Bowl.” I did not find playing the old RPG’s on there like “Final Fantasy” and the first two “Legend of Zelda” games to be worth my time; it was just impossible to make a good RPG back then, apparently. The graphics and gameplay on these just aren’t as good.

I ultimately discovered from this “NES Classic” release that sometimes the oldies are goodies and that it can be worthwhile to revisit games from the past. It was a bit irritating that the system came with just one controller and a tiny cord, so I’ll have to order a second controller and two extension cords. I was happy to discover that the tech-savvy can use a USB cord to download 100 plus more games from the internet for free, and the system comes with an HDMI cord. Overall, this “NES Classic” release surpassed my expectations and I recommend it to all video game fans!

Deep Purple (In Concert) Review

So on Saturday, Feb. 29, 2018 at Shoreline in Mountain View, Deep Purple surprised everyone by coming on last, AFTER Judas Priest. This is interesting because you would THINK Judas Priest would be the big draw. Indeed, they opened by covering a Judas Priest song (very well), However, they came into their own when performing their own material, such as “Smoke on the Water.” Their musical skill rivaled both incarnations of Genesis, while their guitar shredding brought vintage Black Sabbath to mind. As someone who is not very well-versed in Deep Purple, I am much more likely now to buy their music. Overall, the concert, which was relatively cheap to get into, was a head-banging night for the ages with both bands delivering far beyond expectations. As we are currently in an era that is rather low on great music, it is important to appreciate the great bands who still endure. Judas Priest and Deep Purple have been around forever and they STILL ROCK! If you get a chance to go see them, DON’T MISS IT!

Book : Whitey Bulger on Trial

Am reading a book called Whitey on Trial, which is about Boston crime lord Whitey Bulger’s trial. The main thing that makes this book so riveting, besides the true crime factor (he killed about 20 people), is the fact that Whitey was said to be a criminal informant who the government aided in his criminal enterprise in order to nab other gangsters. The book asks the question whether the government should get into bed with the bad guys (out of necessity). At a certain point, it seems like more people were dying as a result of Whitey being allowed to run the streets than there would be had they arrested him. At a certain point Whitey corrupted his handlers, and they all became susceptible to blackmail due to the bribes they had taken.

Many colorful characters take the stand, and are brutally honest, as the trial progresses in vivid detail. Victim’s families of people gunned down in cars or telephone booths testify throughout. Many of the people hit were innocent cases of mistaken identity. Other people that got whacked, maybe didn’t need to be. Many were killed just to enhance the fear of Whitey’s gang, or because his gang feared they might become informants. Deep State ops like Mueller and Comey were involved.

Many gangsters in this book testify about having gotten plea bargains. They say that if you kill one person the government gives you the electric chair. But if you kill 20 people in a crime spree, the Feds will give you immunity if you turn into a rat against the criminal organization. Is this the kind of society we want to live in? Should hardened killers ever get a free pass and be put into the witness protection program, and let out of jail immediately?

Today, we see the Deep State tried similar things against the Trump administration. They tried to use Papodopolous as a guinea pig , to eaves drop on him and try and ensnare Trump in some kind of campaign violations. One former Deep State Op on CNN even suggested along with Schumer that the government would somehow ‘get’ Trump, and gave ominous warning. Time and time again, we see the government using questionable tactics to try and get indictments, rather than good old fashioned sleuthing and detective work.

The government has gotten too cute and too corrupt for its own good. It is time to return to relying on eyewitnesses and physical evidence based prosecutions. Tax money should go to hire investigators and to forensics labs, instead of going to bureaucrats who work too closely with the criminals, and who can be corrupted. Ultimately, in the case of Whitey Bulger, had the government just stayed out of it and not fed him info to help him maintain his empire, the gangs would have just killed each other off, or maintained parity, which would have led to stalemate. When one gang is made too powerful, that edge gives them license to kill.

Judas Priest/Deep Purple Concert Review (Part 1)

On September 29, 2018, my brother and I were able to go see Judas Priest at Shoreline Ampitheatre in Mountain View, California. As huge metal fans at a nearly sold-out outdoor concert, the anticipation could not be more palpable. To our surprise, Judas Priest came on first. Decked out in metal gear and rocking relentlessly from song to song, the best performances remain entrenched in my memory. “Firepower” from their new album of the same name was very metal and showed that they had not lost their musical acumen at all. But even more rousing was “Another Thing Coming,” one of a series of bad-ass metal anthems sure to melt one of Hillary’s snowflakes. The signature song “Breaking the Law” brought the crowd to its feat, a gesture of rebelliousness and strength that rang through the auditorium. My other favorite was “Living After Midnight,” an atmospheric song that encapsulates my world view. I was enthralled with the band and the song set; unfortunately the stage visuals and sound were not quite as amazing as they could have been. The stage had too much fog on it, making the band somewhat difficult to see and almost impossible to photograph. The sound seemed a bit subdued in my opinion, not being properly deafening and with the lyrics to these and other excellent songs being a bit muffled. However, overall this was an amazing set, well worth the effort to go see and something that every metal-head can get into.

Hellfest is Hella OK

Going into “Hell Fest,” I knew three things: 1. The trailers and
posters were awesome. 2. The filmmakers are talented, with the
director having edited “Get Out” and the producer having made “Aliens” and “Tremors.” 3. The reviews are TERRIBLE! Having seen the film, I can now report that the bad reviews are way off-base and this is one of the scariest films of the year. Almost a close uncredited remake of “The Funhouse,” it focuses on a group of teens attending a Halloween haunt and theme park known as the Hell Fest. Unbeknownst to them, a slasher wearing a really scary mask is going on a killing spree using the park as cover. Even once one of the teenagers figures out what is going on, it is nearly impossible for her to get anyone to believe her. A well-made thrill ride with a truly ingenious surprise ending, this movie will haunt your dreams for nights on end. “Hell Fest” delivers a HELL of a good scare!

The First Half Assassination Nation is Great ; Second Half Not So Much

How did I end up seeing “Assassination Nation,” a low-budget indie film with a distinct lack of advertising? It was the most
interesting sounding movie that Movie Pass would allow my brother and I to go see. It’s about four popular high school girls in Salem (one of them a trannie) who are leading hyper-sexualized, promiscuous lives when suddenly a hacker rocks Salem by gradually making every member of town’s internet information available to everyone in town, one by one.

First the mayor is exposed publicly as a trannie, for instance, which causes him to publicly commit suicide. Then, the likable black principal of Salem High has possibly questionable pictures of his very young daughter made public, which causes the town to (unfairly) turn against him. What starts as a raucous dark comedy akin to “Heathers” becomes the “Super-Purge” as the entire town becomes violent and turns on each other and (more importantly) our four protagonists. In order to survive, the four girls have to turn hyper-aware and hyper-violent as no man in the town can be trusted (and no women either really).

This movie has a liberal, hyper-feminist and subversive message that I really can’t get behind; men and women in general are not as evil and judgmental as in this film. However, it is true that hysteria over the internet and people turning on each other is destroying our society, and so people need to calm down and look at the whole person. I am recommending this film because it is funny, violent, self-aware, subversive, rather unpredictable, and genuinely interesting. I do not agree with most of what writer-director Sam Levinson is saying with this film, but I do applaud the manner in which he says it. “Assassination Nation” is a surprisingly interesting film that deserves much better than it got at the box office. I would definitely recommend seeing it if you get the chance.

The Nun Was Fun

OK, there’s no getting around the fact that “The Nun” is not a great movie, or even (God knows!) a very memorable one. But it also must be acknowledged that the movie works. The story of a ghostly nun wreaking havoc in a remote nunnery, the film is ridiculous but this “true story” works more often than not. Part of this is due to Tessa Farmiga, sister of Vera Farmiga (who starred in “The Conjuring”), who has a good screen presence and part of it is due to producer James Wan (who directed “The Conjuring.”) There are a lot of good pop-outs and the concept (silly as it may be) has never been done before in a mainstream film. The cinematography is also excellent, with the film resembling a Hammer film (whether we’re talking Christopher Lee or “The Woman in Black”) in terms of how it looks. In terms of how it fits into “The Conjuring” universe, the film is enjoyable because it doesn’t take itself too seriously (unlike “The Conjuring” films and the atrocious “Annabelle” films.) There is a jump-scare about every 15 seconds and although I didn’t believe the story was “true” the scares were effective as I did jump a lot. If ghostly, havoc-wreaking nuns in far-flung environments with scary cinematography and jumps appeal to you, I will say this: “The Nun” was fun.

Unicorn Rape (A poem)

I was once raped by a unicorn,
I do not know if it was day, night, or morn.

Once upon a nightingale,
I was softly raped by a unicorn (drunk on ale).

Upon that forcible non-succinct memory,
I have formidably cast doubt on the nominee.

Twas’ forty years ago to this day,
That that giant unicorn caused my dismay.

Twas’ not one unicorn, but rather two or three,
That cause me to join the #Metoo movement so gleefully.

I condemn this system which failed to coddle me,
Forty years past, when the unicorns tried to rape me.

Sony to Rerelease PS1

In an homage to early 90’s gaming, Sony gas announced the December 3rd re-release of the classic PS1 system. For $99, it will come loaded with 20 games, including a classic Final Fantasy and a classic Tekken game. The system itself will be very compact, just a fraction of the size of a normal PS1. This comes after Nintendo successfully re-released the original Nintendo system, while selling over 5 million units.

The Predator Is a Guilty Pleasure

I went to see Predators the other day. It happens to be directed by one of the actors from the first Predator film (the guy with the glasses in the platoon) and the trailer was awesome, as in totally full of action plus funny. So I went into this film having very high expectations. This film does have a lot of action, and it is also pretty funny. There also happens to be a very high body count involved. However, it is somewhat fleeting and unmemorable, with the exception of the set-up at the end, which I will elaborate on further.

The plot is basically: the Predator is being held at a government facility and they think they have it subdued. Meanwhile, an autistic boy has unwittingly found a Predator suit and accidentally summons a bunch of Predators to Earth. Unfortunately, it wakes up and kills everyone except for a few stragglers led by Olivia Nunn, who escapes by getting naked. Basically, The Predators are poised to conquer humanity. and only the Loonies (led by Nunn, Boyd Holbrook and Thomas Jane) can stop them.

Here is where the film falls short: too much humor. It’s hard to get too worked up about the threat of the Predator when there’s a one=liner every minute. Some of the humor is a little too on-the nose, such as when a character describes the Predators as “alien Whoopi Goldbergs.” Also, the films lacks a setting as interesting as a those of the first three.

In these couple of regards though it is a pretty decent and entertaining action & sci-fi extravaganza: the humor, when it lands, is effective. For example, there is a great gag involving a misunderstanding involving “eating pussy.” Also, it is revealed that the Predators want to use the best of humanity to mate with the Predators, which means that the autistic boy is in danger of having to mate with the Predators. There is a TON of action and unlike the previous films, there is a huge budget ($90 million). The set-up for a sequel at the end is surprising and effective.

Would I recommend this movie? Yes, but don’t expect a seriously memorable or mind-blowing experience. Personally, I like the first film, and then I like Predator 2, as well as Predators (with Adrian Brody). Let’s face it, it takes great actors to make a great movie. One more thing I would like to mention is that Alien v Predator 2 (yes, the one where there are teeny characters and the Alien ends up fighting in the HS swimming pool) is an abomination, and each and every last copy should be tracked down and summarily burned into minces. This one is not as good as the first three “Predator” films but is much better than the “AvP” films as well as the latest “Jurassic World” disappointment. If you’re a fan of the Predator films, don’t miss “The Predator.” It’s the year’s best monster film!