Netflix Roundup: May 2018

Well you have two choices at AMC: Star Wars #20, or Avengers #15. Or you can do what other dudes do: Buy quality beer and watch Netflix. Personally, I am drinking Guinness Stout, since that’s what us ‘real men’ drink. There is some good shit on Netflix these days. I will watch it even though its part of the FANG monopoly, since it is bringing me indie movies to watch – as in OPTIONS, something the major studios don’t care about anymore, now that we are all programmed as Illuminati consumerist robots.

Netflix has been making some really good movies lately, and “Cargo” is a perfect example of how they are beating Hollywood at their own game. The film is about a pandemic that turns people into zombies within 48 hours of infection. A family, led by Andy (from “Black Panther” and Bilbo in “The Hobbit” series) and Kay, and little infant child Rosie, are living safely on their houseboat. Unfortunately, they cannot stay safe for long, and soon Andy and Rosie
are on a long trek through the Australian desert, with Andy sick and needing to find a place where his daughter can stay, He soon comes into contact with Aborigines, and it becomes clear that they are better at dealing with the pandemic than he is. The film turns into an action-packed allegory for Australian-Aboriginal relations, and the suspense escalates as Freeman fights to save his daughter while the Aborigines have a more mystical approach to the problem.

This film is a candidate for best horror film of the year. The acting, by Freeman and everyone else, is great; you feel for the characters. The suspense is real and not contrived. The setting of the Australian outback is fresh, and the inclusion of the conflict between mainland Australians and Aborigines introduces a fresh element. The jump scares are scary, the plot twists are surprising, and the make=up effects are first-rate. If you’re looking for a good
horror film on Netflix, don’t miss “Cargo”!

Once you’ve watched “Cargo” on Netflix, you might want to see their new $20 million sci-fi thriller “Anon.” It is about a future dystopia in which no one has any privacy anymore, and in which all our info goes into something called “the Ether” and in which everyone has brain implants that subject them to endless streams of information called “The Mind’s Eye.” This is supposed to eliminate crime and make for a more docile populace. Clive Owen plays a cop baffled by a string of unsolved murders which show flaws and gaps in the government surveillance. His attempts to figure out whodunit lead to a beautiful
young woman (played by Amanda Seyfried) who desires complete anonymity. She is irresistible and dangerous so of course he falls in love with her. Did she commit the murders and does she love Clive Owen back? Tune in to find out!

The film is from Andrew Niccol, the director of “In Time” and “Gattaca,” who specializes in provocative dystopian science fiction. This time, he opts not to use any real expensive visual effects and instead focuses on the big questions. Will total surveillance eliminate crime? Is it possible for love to exist in this future world? Is “dangerous” anonymity preferable to submission to the state? The film, then, is really about the present and the Deep
State. We have already reached the future that “Anon” posits; we just don’t acknowledge it yet. If you’re looking for great sci-fi on Netflix, check out “Anon.”

Slugs: My Kind of Movie

If you like movies like “The Blob” or “Critters,” you won’t want to miss “Slugs: The Movie”! An obscure 1987 horror film from New World Pictures (the great studio that gave us “Hellraiser” and “House”), the film concerns a small town which becomes infested with, you guessed it, slugs that kill! ‘Mutant garden snails with a taste for blood’ was the tag-line. The victims include a little boy, an old couple, and a nude teen couple that have just had sex. No one, of course, will believe the police detective’s theory that slugs are responsible. We, the viewers, know better and are wickedly entertained by this B MINUS film.

There are exactly NO name actors in this film. But it does have plenty of bare breasted women in leotards, so don’t worry!

Why is this movie so entertaining? Maybe because it knows it’s ridiculous, or maybe because it’s from the director of the cult classic “Pieces.” In any case, I was on the edge of my seat despite myself. The actors, who I’d never heard of, are decent, the special effects are gross, and the music score is appropriate, At the end of the day I enjoyed myself and crossed watching “Slugs: The Movie” off my bucket list. If you’re looking for a good time with an intentionally ridiculous film, check out “Slugs,” available on DVD and Blu-ray! It’s better than “Sharknado”! You may have missed this flick, in the 80’s, but don’t miss your chance to see it now, before the mysterious upcoming, final event.

This movie had 15 kills, 20 bare-breasts, 9 dancing women in leotards, one barbeque gone completely haywire, 3 dancing slug-infested clowns, one bathroom that looks like a nuclear hurricane hit it, 4.5 eradicator gnomes (from the 5th dimension) + even MORE. A total MUST SEE!

Bad Samaritan

A little thriller called “Bad Samaritan” slipped into cinemas eight days ago, and it looks like it’s going to close just as quietly. That’s a shame because this is a well-crafted thriller that really does thrill.

It’s about an Irish valet with a hot girlfriend and a nice family who, along with his friend and fellow valet, runs a scam job on the mean and rich by robbing petty things from their homes while their clients are out having a good time. It seems like a great scheme because no one gets hurt, the targets “deserve” it, and only petty things are stolen that these rich jerks don’t need. All goes well until one night, invading mean snob’s house, our hero finds a woman bound and gagged and, if that wasn’t bad enough, a look at other rooms in the house indicate that this man (played by David Tennant of “Doctor Who” and “Jessica Jones” fame) is almost certainly a serial killer. What should our “bad Samaritan” do?

This is a good thriller because screenwriter Brandon Boyce (“Apt Pupil”) and director Dean Devlin (“Geostorm”) are far less interested in gore and jump scares than they are in surprising the audience with unexpected twists and suspense. The film refuses to use a predicable “Don’t Breathe” scenario and instead gives us a surprising cat-and-mouse battle of wits. By the end of the film, we feel like we’ve been through a journey at least worthy of a James Patterson novel and film.

The acting is pretty good down the line in the film, with Tennant being the standout as a psycho who enjoys messing with people’s heads as much as killing them. In that sense, “Bad Samaritan” is a welcome revival of the 1990’s serial killer thriller . It’s not going to be in theaters long, so if you like fun thrillers with smart characters, don’t miss “Bad Samaritan.”

New B Movie Mocks Millenials

Sometimes I get tired of epic films and films that intend to be quality films. When I don’t want to see a film like, for example,
“The English Patient,” “Titanic,” or even the new “Avengers” film, then it’s time to watch something like “Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare.”

This movie, which must be the first to have the production company’s name in the title, is silly drive-in fodder about a group of college students (led by Lucy Hale and Tyler Posey) who get suckered by someone they don’t know into playing a game of Truth or Dare at an abandoned church. Little do they know that there is a demon at the church who takes Truth or Dare too seriously and literally, so much so that Truth or Dare becomes a matter of life and death.

This film is funny, and it’s hard to tell if that’s deliberate or not. One character, for example, dies because he opts not to show his “pool cue” on a dare. This character inspires much laughter because they replay the actor’s lines about his “junk” and “pool cue” over and over again. Another character is made to “come out” to his dad, which shows that this demon has a left-wing agenda.

Basically, this film plays like a veiled attack on millenials and how shallow they are. For example, one student dies because he refuses to admit he forges prescriptions as his “truth.” Although the film is rated PG-13, some of the deaths are imaginative, such as when the aspiring medical student stabs his eye out with a pen.

It’s tough to rate a movie like this because it’s not scary and it’s not very well-written but at the same time is entertaining
and amusing. Director/co-writer Jeff Wadlow, whose last film was “Kick-Ass 2” keeps the pacing fast and the body count high so that we keep watching no matter how dumb the film gets. The actors will never win Oscars but deserve credit for keeping a straight face with such ridiculous material. Ultimately, even though the concept of a deadly “truth or dare” game is so ridiculous, the film works. “Blumhouse’s Truth or Dare” is the horror guilty pleasure of the year, so down some tequila and prepare to laugh with and at this entertaining hokum!

I DARE you!

Quiet Place Terrifies

This past weekend something extraordinary happened. A cheap
monster horror film which is really an experimental art film brought
in $50 million at the American box office. How did this happen?
Somebody, possibly producer Michael Bay, sensed that audiences were
tired of generic blockbusters like “Pacific Rim: Uprising.” Somebody
saw potential in an odd, bleak script with very little dialogue and
somehow sensed that actor/co-writer John Krasinski (from “The Office”)
could pull everything together and direct a good film out of it, one
that people would want to see. Paramount Pictures released the film
on a weekend with no new big budget films coming out and made sure all
the critics saw it. A new smash hit was born!

“A Quiet Place” is about a family trying to survive in a grim
future where gigantic monsters are decimating mankind. The only way
to survive this situation is not to make any loud noises. This is
easier said than done, but the family (led by John Krasinski and Emily
Blunt) has a leg up because the daughter is deaf so they all know sign
language. Fatefully, the mother becomes pregnant. The film plays
largely without dialogue as the family struggles to survive.

The filmmakers behind “A Quiet Place” realize that the
audience not only wants an exciting, edge-of-your-seat experience but
also something that is unlike anything they’ve seen before. The result
will please fans of M. Night Shamalayan (sic) as well as monster movie
film buffs. The film is exciting, well-acted, original, and often
terrifying, yet subtle enough to get a PG-13. By the end of the film,
I felt that I had seen something worth going out of my way to see; the
audience was enraptured with the film and many applauded at the end.
If you see one horror film this year, make it “A Quiet Place.”

Chainsaw Still Makes the Cut

A new “Chainsaw” called “Leatherface” has quietly snuck onto Blu-ray, DVD, and Direct TV. It claims to tell the real story of how Leatherface came to be. We begin at the Sawyer house, where Lili Taylor holds sway over the degenerate Sawyer family and young Jeb is being encouraged to kill. He refuses, so the family kills for him. The family makes the mistake of killing the sheriff’s (played by Stephen Dorff) daughter, and as punishment he sends Jed, the only innocent man in the family, to an institution filled with violent inmates. Ten years later, Jed (whose name has changed so the audience doesn’t know his identity) breaks out with the other inmates and a killing spree ensues.

Basically, this is the goriest movie of the year. It has stabbings, a head explosion, necrophilia, and, of course, chainsaw deaths. It is the last film of executive producer and GROIN Hall of Famer Tobe Hooper, one of the greatest horror directors who ever lived. It is refreshing to see such a politically incorrect film in this day and age, and the cast throws themselves into their roles with heedless abandon. Is this a great movie? No. Is it a lot of fun? Hell yeah! The “Texas Chainsaw” series rules, and this is the best one in a long time.Be sure to catch it before the commies take it off the shelves!

I love this series. In this new PC touchy feely age, sometimes society needs a bit of savage realism to knock some sense into it. At a time where half the country is upset about having their hiney touched thirty years ago, I choose to spend my time watching films about those people getting chopped in half because they made a wrong turn in the country-side and ran out of gas. Too bad they couldn’t have cast Judge Roy Moore in a cameo as the cannibal dad.

Cult of Chucky Totally Worthy

Finally, something is new on Netflix that is worth watching. No, I’m not talking about “Death Note” and I’m definitely not talking about the hideous “Gerald’s Game.” I’m talking about “Cult of Chucky,” the seventh installment in the “Child’s Play” series and the best one in a long time. You want gore? This movie has the most gruesome decapitation since “The Omen.” You want mayhem? This is the wildest movie in the series. You want Brad Dourif and Jennifer Tilly back in their iconic roles? This movie has them. It was also canny to set the movie in a mental hospital, since the patients are schizophrenic so no one believes them when they see Chucky. Fiona Dourif, the star, shows some of the same talent as her dad. Alex Vincent, who plays Andy Barclay in the first two films, is also back starring in this one. How cool is that? I will not talk about the new plot developments in this film; I will simply say that it is definitely worth watching. Don’t miss “Cult of Chucky”!

Jeepers Creepers 3 Makes the Cut

“Jeepers Creepers 3” is a rip-roaring monster movie. Exuberant with its gore and humor, it concerns what happened with the creeper between the first and second films. It brings back three actors from the first one: Brandon Smith. Gina Philips, and, of course, Jonathan Breck as the Creeper. Also starring is the legendary, green-eyed Meg Foster, from such classics as “They Live,” “Leviathan,” (1989) and “The Emerald Forest,” as well as Stan Shaw, a character actor from “Rocky” and many others. The film concerns a massive attempt to hunt down the Creeper by law enforcement. As the hunt continues, many innocent people get caught in the cross-fire.

I enjoyed the film’s sense of humor and that it is an old-fashioned B-picture. Particularly amusing is a customized tank that is utilized to fight the creature, as well as the booby-trapped The Creeper vehicle (which two characters get stuck in). The special FX are not as impressive as in the first two, but the film is still a great deal of fun.

This is a very controversial film because director Victor Salva is a convicted sex offender in a 1988 case involving a boy in his film “Clownhouse.” His crime was quite heinous and he was lucky to receive only a 3-year prison sentence. That said, does that have any bearing on his films? No. Victor Salva makes entertaining films. “The Nature of the Beast,” “Powder,” and “Jeepers Creepers” are good films. So, to a lesser extent, is “Jeepers Creepers 3.”

I saw the film at a special one-time only show. A lot of people went to see this film, so they added a special show for Wednesday, Oct. 4. If you’re a fan of the series, go see it!

One last thing: after the film, they showed an interview with Jonathan Breck, the actor who plays the Creeper. His warm memories of making the films combined with his enthusiasm for his fans and the series in general sent those remaining in the audience out on an up note.

Friend Request OK Despite Cliche’

Sometimes you learn valuable lessons from schlock horror films. In the case of “Friend Request,” it’s this: don’t friend people on Facebook who you don’t know. The film is a German production in English and similar to 2014’s “Unfriended.” The film combines real internet fears with spooky “Omen” style death scenes. The pacing is fierce and the body count high as the ghost of an unpopular internet girl kills off our unlucky protagonist’s friends one by one, making them look like suicides. The film gives us the opportunity to reflect that maybe we should concentrate on real-world friends as opposed to internet ones. If you’re looking for a scary time and have already seen “It,” you could do worse.

I Dig “It”

We’re a little late with our review of the blockbuster film “It,” but, yes, it is a good horror film. Bill Skarsgard probably deserves award consideration for his portrayal of Pennywise the clown, and the actors who play the children are all good. The film does an excellent job of evoking childhood fears, not just of clowns and death but also bullying and social ostracism. Setting the film in 1989, as opposed to the novel’s 1959, is a masterstroke because it brings a large portion of the audience back in time; the New Kids on the Block references are priceless! At the end of the day, the film is not as scary as “The Shining” or as profound as “Stand by Me,” but it is nevertheless a well-done horror film that delivers the gory goods. When the little boy meets the clown at the beginning, it is particularly terrifying and gory. If you like Stephen King, horror, and creepy clowns, don’t miss “It”!