Thor the Bore

How could a film that is certified fresh at 92% on Rotten Tomatoes be one of the year’s worst films? Its simple, 92% of the public are fucking morons. Watch “Thor Ragnarok” and find out. This Thor sequel could be a good place to start the purge!

In the tradition of “Superman 3” and “Batman and Robin,” this film tosses away any semblance of seriousness to sling joke after joke at us. If the film was funny, like “Superman 3” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” are, this might be forgivable. But with the exception of a great cameo by Stan Lee, this film is not so much funny as painful. See Thor spar with Loki (again)! See Anthony Hopkins (for about a minute)! Watch Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum embarrass themselves (though Goldblum is funny)! Witness the pointless humiliation of the Incredible Hulk character for laughs! Watch scene after scene of elaborate but pointless special effects! Thrill to horrible puns! It’s in 3-D (actually they did OK on that part)! Watch actors fail at conveying emotion in scene after scene! And watch your hard-earned dollars go down the toilet! If you miss one big-budget blockbuster this year, make it “Thor Ragnarok.” I walked out near the end, catastrophically disappointed. “Thor 3” is a bore and a chore, and I couldn’t wait to get out the door.

Postmodern Pick-Up Lines

For an ice-breaker with a relative stranger or a strange relative you can’t get a better start on a conversation that might actually get you to dip your stick than the good old canned line. But there’s this list of ten conventional classics will give you some lines to trace on and might even hold some deep-seated dRNA mate attractive properties. As with all recipes, instructions and advice work with caution and wear the right protective devices.

You never know who might be misinforming or trolling you, so don’t be a dork. Run it by your sister first?

1.A: I’m sorry

B. For what

C. (Change the subject like, ‘A lot of weather we’re having today, yeah?’)

2. What do you like better coffee or tea?

3. Which is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

4. Pardon I need a female opinion, is this shirt too loud? (Wearing obnoxious shirt. She confirms take it off.)

5. Do the carpets match the drapes?

6. My friends and I wanted to settle a bet we made. So I was wondering,”Do those legs go all the way up?”

7. Yo! Your body is banging. Can I bang it!

8. Do you screw your mother with that vaginaynay?

9. Excuse me, but haven’t we met before? Oh you’re that stripper my cousin had at his birthday party!

10. This may seem like a major coincidence but you have my dead grandmother’s eyes. I wonder if I can speak to her. (Wave your hand inches from her face.) ‘Mildred, are you in there?’

Harry Dean Stanton’s Last Film Reviewed

Film buffs should take note that a new film called “Lucky” is making the rounds starring the late, great Harry Dean Stanton. The film is about a 90-year old free spirit who is very eccentric and interesting. Du ring the course of the film, we find out about him and his beliefs and we meet other residents of the small town he lives in. The cast also includes Tom Skerritt and Ed Begley Jr., but it’s David Lynch who steals the film as a charming, home-spun oldster who has an unusual bond with his pet turtle Columbus. This is a solid, sometimes hilarious, well-made film that shows conservative people in a good light. Stanton’s and Skerritt’s character are war veterans and it’s nice to see a positive depiction of American veterans for a change. Be sure to stick around for a great gag at the very end! Stanton (from “Repo Man,” “Paris. Texas,” “Christine,” and “Escape from New York”) is incredibly affecting and deserves an Oscar. Don’t miss this excellent, bittersweet comedy!

Cholesterol Revival!


In the 1980s science discovered the cholesterol nutrition component and it became the enemy of the healthy diet. Everything bad was cholesterol and MSG. Everything good was egg whites and wheatgrass.

Monsanto octobomber of culinary karma. As a result, today it’s common knowledge that eggs, butter, steak and prawns are to be indulged in modestly because they contain the demon cholesterol.

But let’s take that term apart piece by piece. The first part of cholesterol, from the Latin, chole, is simply the Canadian pronunciation for ‘cholo’. The second part ’sterol’ is the same root as steroid. People pay hundreds and thousands for drugs that are available right there as an animal protein byproduct.

Bring back the cholesterol, it would seem, if you wish to bring back muscle.

And who doesn’t like muscle? Pansies! That’s who.

It’s simply 11 beers shy of a case of crazy to expect the lard infested, butter loving to run to science for answers. When the hard working man or woman gets home from a hard day of grunting the relief power of soy, margarine spirulina and the like just aunts gonna cut it, baby.


Bring out the cholesterol and bring out the best

by Trisexual Wildebeest

On Equality

I was reading an interesting article about what conceptually what equality means in America historically:

At UC Davis I had a great professor Nicolas Dungy. He was pretty radical. Very into Howard Zinn, Friedrich Nietzsche, Hobbes , Locke, and Heidegger. He often threw his chalk and erasers at students.

In his class we were taught that the US concept of equality was Locke and Hobbes derived. In a state of nature we are all equally vulnerable to being killed by each other. The professor demonstrated this by pulling a student from his chair onto the ground, and pretending to kick the crap out of him. That is a state of nature. Chaos.

Under a Constitutional government that equality is suspended and reversed to where we are supposedly guaranteed to be equal in terms of our right to be alive, to be allowed to collect private property, and to pursue happiness.

The irony is that the government is now tyrannous and goes around killing everyone, stealing their property, while taxing everyone to death. Meanwhile, the state also puts numerous obstacles to economic and personal well being. It intrudes into almost every element of our lives.

Modern governments have misinterpreted the phrase equality. Instead of using equality as a baseline to prevent mistreatment from government and from private individuals, it has been treated as an economic price floor at which lower class people get their lifestyles subsidized by the higher classes. The end result of this Marxist version of equality (so wrongly applied to the American economy) is a fascist nanny state and giant bureaucracy that grows ever larger. Eventually, over many years, the level of taxation and regulatory repression has become so great that the long term outlook for the country is completely negative. You can thank Marx, Lenin, and the left wing in America for creating such a tyrannous leviathan of a government, all in the name of their misguided fancy ideals.

‘The Foreigner’ is Popcorn-Drool Anti-White Trash

So I went to see this Jackie Chan movie that has been out almost a month called The Foreigner. Chan plays a poor bereaved Chinese ex-patriot whose daughter gets killed by an IRA bomb. It is set in the current day, so this is a joke. Enter Pierce Brosnan as a boring corporate IRA boardroom type guy (talk about boring settings). Brosnan does every scene with 15 white thugs, and fills a ridiculous stereotype that if you have an Irish accent, you are therefor either in the mob or you are a cop. The other good guy besides Chan is a black embassy officer, and it becomes clear early in the film that white people are evil. Also its obvious about five minutes in that Brosnan is the bad guy, and his little act pretending to be Mr. Reformed Bomber Guy is a fail.

To make matters worse, there must have been some kind of popcorn promotion at the theatre I attended. As the trailers about AMC’s shitty soda and popcorn proceeded, fat slob whites and Mexicans surrounded me like the Alamo, with loud slobbering sounds of buttery cholesterol death and straw slurping corn syrup clogging.

My girlfriend simultaneously decided to start browbeating me regarding relationship bullshit. I was forced to relocate to a less odorous, less slobbery section (near the exit). But slobs proceeded to stake positions around me and took my seat as I got up for 5 seconds for fresh air and recomposing. At this point (which was about twelve minutes into the film) I felt I would have to vomit if I stayed in this disgusting theatre.

As I went outside Mexican families waddled by with disgusting filled popcorn boxes the size of their upper frame, while towing two extra plastic bags (each) of even more enormous popcorn. This was truly shocking and nauseating. It was like Day of the Popcorn. These people were fucking popcorn zombies I am telling you.

So I went to the front counter and told them the crowd was disgusting and chewing more popcorn than I had ever seen in my entire life. And I was able to get a full refund.

Metroid II for Nintendo 3DS: A+

I wasn’t sure how the new “Metroid II: The Return of Seamus” game for the 3DS was going to be, but I love it! It captures the feel of the old 2D side-scrolling games (as a re-imagining and expansion of the original “Metroid II” game) while offering better controls, graphics, and gameplay. It shows the incredible power of the Nintendo 3DS system off to a tee and made me want to play more 3DS games! Rather than making unnecessary “Tomb Raider” reboot films, they ought to make a “Metroid’ movie. That would be cool! This game is definitely worth the money.

The State of Horror Magazines

Ever since childhood friends in Virginia introduced me to R-rated horror films (in 1986 when I was 10), I have been a true horror Fanatic. From the age of 12 onward, I would see every horror film and read every Fangoria magazine I could get my hands on. I learned so much about how these films are made and what new films were being released!

Cinemafantastique is another one I loved that stopped putting out issues in 2006. They had great horror, science fiction, and fantasy reviews! Now that Fangoria Magazine has bit the dust (as a print magazine at least), where should the horror fan go to learn about cool horror films (new and old)?

I have been checking out Dark Side Magazine, Phantom of The Movies Videoscope, and Horror Hound. Dark Side Magazine is an imported British magazine which suggests that the Brits are greater horror fanatics than American audiences. They seem to cover every movie under the sun and do an excellent job.

However, my favorite is Phantom of The Movies Videoscope, which I have been reading off and on since 1995 and which has the best interviews, commentary, and video reviews. It’s quarterly and $6.95 in the U.S, I often pick up Horror Hound but I’m not as impressed with it because the covers make it seem like there is more actual content than there actually is. So Dark Side Magazine and Phantom of the Movies Videoscope rule, while “Horror Hound” does not! Happy horror reading!

Trump Must Return to Counter-Punching

This was also published on previously.

Politics is like martial arts. Each style of politician has his own set of strengths and weaknesses, just like a martial artist does. In order to win the fight it is necessary to adapt the style to the situation. Because each style has its own flaws it is therefor necessary to be trained in more than one style.

The campaign was not a traditional political contest. Rather it was a brutal slugfest Kumite, like in the movie Bloodsport. With the Clinton mafia graft machine on one side, and an awesome superhero corporate patriot tycoon extraordinaire on the other it was an extended no holds barred match, which took many side casualties along the way.

The full on brawns and brains direct balls out left-right-left-right straight punch attack that worked for Trump during the campaign so effectively has served him poorly as president. During the election he was known to counter-punch. In fact, Trump was respectful to Clinton until she went low in the election first, at which point he suggested he was ‘taking his gloves off’, and he decided to ‘hit her in the pussy’ (just kidding).  That strategy allowed him to see what attacks were going to be thrown at him and then to knock their lights out. It got to where Hilary feinted even. That’s how psyched out he had her.

Since the election Trump went in guns blazing for conservative causes. He initiated the Muslim travel ban off the bat. That faced BS but resolute left wing judicial activist denial so far. He should get more credit for having pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement, the Supreme Court appointment, handling of the floods, and the debt ceiling extension.

But he is not getting any credit , and that’s because by punching first on so many issues and swinging for the fence he hasn’t gotten as much done as if he had shadowed the opponent at first and then wore them down incrementally, or gotten what he could from the opposition before antagonizing them.

Here is how a counter punch strategy would have worked better. The Dems want an infrastructure bill and a corporate earnings repatriation bill, which both would be good for conservatives too. Trump knows infrastructure and about corporate finance and taxation better than anyone.

That should have been the first thing passed. Think of this like you are in a fight and are a good ground fighter. Your opponent wants you to fight on the ground. Go to the ground then. This happens in the UFC where a good grappler like BJ Penn refuses in his older years to take opponents like Diaz down to the ground, because he is making wrong assumptions about his opponent. He ends up losing a fight he could have won.

Trump also should have counter-punched on the Muslim travel ban rather than having initiated. Since the election there have been many opportune times to have initiated the travel ban. For instance, just this week some terrorist asshole ran people over in NYC. Had Trump waited to impose the travel ban for the right moment, the leftist stay of appeal would have had less sympathizers. This is a little bit like jiu-jitsu where you don’t use force against force. That’s not efficient. Sometimes you let them advance while you get off to the side or the back where you can apply a choke. The opponent must think they are winning, or they will not risk anything. When they get arrogant, that’s when you hit them. It worked with the Clintons, it can work with the Dems and the Deep State too.

Trump also jumped the gun with the Comey /Deep state/FBI conflict. By firing Comey at the advice of his lousy advisors like Jared Kushner he stepped into a Democrat ambush. Had Trump been a more patient fighter public outrage over the abuses of power by the FBI would have led to Congressional investigations of Comey rather than special counsel investigation of the pres. Some of these strategic problems were created when instead of picking his most ardent supporters like Giuliani, Christie, Stone, Kudlow, Gingrich, etc – he appointed inexperienced and later cling-ons such Priebus and the like. He needs to focus on being a patient fighter.

At this point Trump needs to understand that the government is like mafia and he is in a virtual Best of the Best (part two) competition where Wayne Newton says “Rules? What rules? There are no rules?? Ha Ha Ha!” When you go into this type of tournament it doesn’t matter who you ‘like’. It matters who is experienced and who kicks liberal ass with professional subtlety. Gingrich has always been a proven fighter. Christie is an asshole, yet will lift a toll bridge on the opposition and resort to the dirtiest of fighting tactics, and that’s good in my view. Gingrich and Christie were prosecutors. They know the swamp traps to avoid. And Stone is like a covert sniper from Uncommon Valor. Kudlow has the economic balls to live or die with supply side ad stand by Trump through thick or thin. He is the Die Hard economist, and needs to be in the cabinet.

Its time to assemble the martial arts team. Use a combination of political jiu jitsu (soft fighting where we wait for opportunities – for maximum efficiency) and dirty boxing counterfighting. The goal should be to incrementally and opportunistically wear down our political opponents. This is not a ten second bar-fight. It is the first term of an eight year reign of victory.