Myth: Princes and Princessess

princessMattel pic

There are numerous problems with modern romance. Economics is one of them. Dating and rents have climbed to record levels in much of the US due to bubbles. There is a lack of housing supply due to government red tape. So these days the idea that men should be chivalrous and pay for all the dates is a fallacy. We live in a hard economic era, with anemic economic growth globally. There is very little economic growth. And productivity growth is negative, which is what wage growth. So wages are stagnant.

Meanwhile the cost of a shitty movie, a coke, and a popcorn with some chick has gone astronomical. And they always order the most expensive thing possible wherever you take them. They are picky and fussy. If they don’t like coffee, then instead of ordering coffee at Starbucks they order some 10 dollar frappuchino type thing which is basically whipped cream but for 10 dollars. Its not even coffee.

For a modern relationship to work in this hard era there must be shared sacrifices. There is a social media movement for men to reassert their right to economic self-preservation. http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/reddit-mgtow-men-sex-sleep-women-manosphere-meninist-a7330276.html They are avoiding relationships with leeches.

Ayn Rand would have been proud of this movement. She argued that individuals have self-worth, and are not intended to be sacrificial lambs to the altar of others. And you may think Jesus argued the opposite, since his apostles died as martyrs, but the truth is that he asked his apostles to drop everything they were doing, leave their family ( including their wives), and follow him. Sounds drastic – but isn’t that what your employer asks you to do everyday? There is always one thing in common. Whether its your women, your church , or your government- they will all keep asking you for MORE and MORE and MORE and MORE. At some point you need to realize that you need to protect yourself financially from all of these forms of soft tyranny. Because if you don’t save yourself, and you end up on the streets or broke  , there are much fewer social safety net programs to help men than there are for women (especially women with kids), as well as more programs for foreigners than for natives. And there will be little sympathy for you. See this well spoken homeless man’s blog: http://henrymakow.com/2016/09/Homeless-Man-Lost-Faith-in-Society.html

homeless-man-not-jonhenrymankow.com pic

Much of American culture reinforces the stereotype that women are social victims, and that they need to be “saved” by a man (Captain Save A Ho style). And the other half of American culture is feminist and says women do not need men at all. Either of these perspectives screws men over. Feminism says men are unnecessary, and that men victimize women generally speaking. This encourages women to take men for granted and to treat men like dirt. (As a veteran I have personally been stabbed with my own broken bong shard by a wild-eyed lover who was so irate she rammed her own head through the wall in a takedown attempt. I received an award for this.)

And the other, more old fashion Disney-Barbie-Mattel point of view seems to be that that men are princes that should save women from their economic and basic unhappiness in life. That’s unrealistic. It basically sets women up as financial leeches against men. And the legal system does the nail in the coffin with divorce court.

Anyway you look at it women have rigged the game so that men lose.

The first step towards a healthy peace treaty in the battle of the sexes is that we all need to come to agreement one or two key things. Namely, there must be shared sacrifice in relations between men and women. And that there are legitimate “princes and princesses anymore”. A healthy first step in this direction is the defeat of Hilary Clinton , who arose to power as the “wife of so-and-so” and elect Trump for now. Ultimately, the goal should be a sense of shared responsibility and sacrifice in relationships and society, instead of “what have you done for me lately?” Someday hopefully a plumber and his hardworking blue collar wife will be able to reach the highest offices in this land. For now, Trump will have to do.

princess2Mattel pic

 

Threesome – Step by Step

146446519830450

You may think the hardest part of having a threesome is finding the perfect person to join in your couple’s sex life, but it’s even harder to handle all the emotions involved, namely jealousy and insecurity. So what’s the best way to go about it?

First, know the reason. You need to figure out as a couple why you want to try having a threesome. Is this his fantasy, or hers, or something you’ve both wanted to try together? Are you pushing your own limits to explore who you are sexually? Do you want to add a new, maybe bisexual, dimension to sex? Are you easing into the concept of sharing your partner or having group sex? Is this a purely physical/sexual experience, or a gateway to a ménage à trois/polyamory relationship? Whatever your reason, be aware that it won’t save a troubled relationship, as it invites hurt feelings, can do irreparable damage to a couple’s intimacy, and potentially leads to a love triangle that could tear the couple apart. Be sure you both want to do it. A threesome requires a high level of openness and trust to work.

Second, find someone suitable. Decide whether to choose from your close friends (such as sorority sisters you’ve already partied naked with), acquaintances (they’re probably sane, STD-free, approachable, and not a great loss if it doesn’t work out), or a total stranger (easier to find online, for a one-time thing, or to keep private from your social network), but not exes (due to their emotional baggage). Whether you pick another female or another male, make sure you both find her/him attractive, or it could hurt your sexual performance and pleasure. If they’re too attractive, you might need to deal with your own insecurities first. To entice the third person, you might need to coyly ask them out to put them in the mood. Make sure they’re ready, willing, and able to have sex with you as a couple, and you’re not making them jump through hoops or suffer delays as you vet them together, or they will lose patience and not take you seriously, and the threesome fantasy will not become a reality.

Third, set the ground rules and boundaries. Make sure all three of you provide input and come to an agreement on everything. This isn’t just for physical safety (doing it at a hotel for comfort and privacy, using separate condoms for various sex pairings) but also to protect your emotional well-being (communicating what you’re not okay with, who can/can’t kiss and touch, who can/can’t penetrate whom and where orally/vaginally/anally, and what three-way sex positions will make you feel left out). Figure out all the nitty-gritty details, any uncomfortable scenarios that could arise, and how to resolve them. Take this opportunity to imagine and describe all the wild positions and sexy things you can do with three bodies instead of just two. The more you discuss and plan beforehand, the more ready and eager you’ll be, and the more you’ll get out of this experience. If you’d rather be totally spontaneous, you risk unnecessarily offending someone, showing up with no idea what you should do with yourself, and having regrets later. To prevent any confusion, also plan how it should end, like taking a cab home afterward (to mark the end of the shared physical experience, so it’s not weird when you wake up). Figure out if the threesome should be a one-time thing or potentially ongoing.

Fourth, meet and progressively increase sexual tension. It might be easier to break the ice at a café or a lounge, with just one person of the couple initially meeting the third person, then flirting and complimenting them. This way the third person can feel safe in public, not feel like a third wheel, and can quickly build rapport one-on-one. If their chemistry together is good, the other person of the couple can join, and the first person of the couple can facilitate their getting to know each other, keeping the tone upbeat and humorous with light teasing. Everyone should divide their attention with the other two, with a focus on the less enthusiastic person, so nobody feels left out. From chatting, gradually increase skin contact and touching, like: stroking their arm, patting their shoulder, combing strands of hair off their face and tucking it behind their ear, and hugging. When everyone is physically comfortable with each other, and sexual tension is getting unbearable, they should proceed to a private room with a bed. Savor the foreplay. Circle each other, hold hands, gently but firmly rub up on each other, slowly undress each other, and give each other massages.

Fifth, maintain intimacy with your partner while having sex. The greatest danger in a threesome (after the physical ones of pregnancy and STDs) is jealousy and insecurity. A couple just focuses on each other with their full body, mind, and feelings. An orgy is a confusing tangle of body parts experiencing simultaneous sex from everywhere from anyone. But a threesome uniquely challenges intimacy in the constant threat of making one feel less desired or left out as the third wheel, so be attentive to both. Don’t let the novelty of a new third person get you carried away. You need to reassure your partner that she is still your focus, and this is all just a physical experience, not a relationship with the third. You don’t have to always be working on both people like in a game of Twister, but frequently touch or gaze at your partner. Be creative and spontaneous within the group’s guidelines, and always ask first if you want to try something they didn’t ask for so you have continual affirmative consent. If anyone’s ever uncomfortable and wants to stop, everyone should stop, and not rudely continue without them.

Sixth, follow up. Message the third participant the next day, so they don’t feel used and ignored but rather valued as an integral part of your threesome experience. You can decide whether to see each other again or just keep it a one-time thing (you’re not dating, after all). Hopefully everyone had an exhilarating, stimulating, mind-blowing experience that affirms your vibrant sex life together.

Stay tuned for the next article on threesome sex positions.

-Nymphenomenal

butt

The Lobster Crushes Social Coercion

lobster

Every once in a while you come across a movie that connects with you. It may not make sense or be conventionally “good,” but it stays with you. “The Lobster” is such a film. It is about a futuristic society where people are given 45 days to find a mate, or they will be turned into the animal of their choice. It takes place in a hotel that is a dystopian nightmare of desperate single people and cheerless sex. Colin Farrell plays the main character, who will turn into a lobster if he can’t find a mate, and Rachel Weisz plays the woman he becomes involved with. The whole goal of the society in this film is to have men obey women’s every command, and for couples to get along at all costs. Women are also spiritually demeaned by their role as Master. And are also subject to being turned to an animal if they do not find a suitable mate, just like the men.

How do I even classify this film? It could be a comedy, a science fiction film, or an allegory for our current dating society. For example, characters are paired together as “perfect for each other” because they both have nosebleeds. One character hits his nose against the side of the pool to make it bleed, in order to have something in common with a female character whose nose also bleeds. Kind of how people act fake to get married to rich people ( for survival). So basically people are getting hitched with not that much in common, and that’s unfortunate. And society sets up institutions regarding kids, school , church , etc that reaffirm this unnatural state.

What makes people compatible anyway? I think “The Lobster” is about how you can’t force love or attraction, and it is about how conformity and political correctness damage our chances of being ourselves. And this film says you are better off by yourself, not having to worry about compatibility. But the problem is you will get stigmatized and scarred as a masturbating loser if you don’t cow-tow to feminist control. Like in this film, when you get caught masturbating they burn your hand in a toaster.

People are very cruel to each other in general in this film. They shoot you with a tranquilizer dart of you don’t follow every command. So it has a dystopian 1984 like element to it. And the plot does develop further, as there are rebels and spies involved (who live in the forest). Colin Farrell gave a most excellent performance here, his dead-pan humor was of the highest order. This is very likely to become a cult classic, as it managed to gross $15 million worldwide on a budget of $5 million. If you enjoyed Nicholas Cage’s Wicker Man ( which was highly entertaining anti feminist cinema) – then you will REALLY enjoy the Lobster. This film sounds wacko but it’s not. Its actually closer to reality than one would like to admit. –CoolAC & Steve

The Pearl Shows Human Nature

001

So in school I was assigned to read Grapes of Wrath and Of Mice and Men. And the schools I went to were only an hour from where Steinbeck lived and wrote most of his early works. But we never took afield trip out there. Those books aren’t as good, or as poignant as The Pearl.

In the Pearl, the main character Kino dives for pearls for a living, and lives a modest lower class agricultural lifestyle. One day he dives and retrieves the largest pearl ever known. His child had also recently fallen ill. Rumors spread, and the whole town (including the baby’s doctor) soon is conniving to either screw him over- or to steal it from him outright. His wife Juanita warns him that all this could happen. But Kino’s pride as a man, combined with his personal ambitions doom him completely. Juana fatalistically accepts Kino’s flawed decisions out of an understanding of the psychology of prideful men (a clear indication this book was written before the feminist movement). And in the end, many characters suffer ill fates.

pearl

If you ever saw the cult film with Mimi Rogers and David Duchovny called The Raputure, then you will recognize the symbol of the pearl in the cult members visions and also as tattooed on one of the members’ back in the film. Pearls in American culture are in a modern tradition tending to represent an ominous forewarning of personal or societal apocalypse. Personally I have a pearl memento from my baptism when I was 14.

This book made me ask myself hard questions. Many authors like Nassim Taleb (in his book Black Swans) argue that one should always take advantage off opportunities to profit aggressively (since good opportunities are deemed rare). Ayn Rand would also argue to be greedy and not share the proceeds with the community, since humans are not sacrificial lambs, but rather self-responsible individuals. But in this book, which is a fairly realistic scenario, the main character would have done better to do neither of those actions. Instead, had Kino shared the proceeds with his community, then the community would not have had as much incentive to rob/maim him. And had Kino took the first (lesser) payment offer for the pearl and been modest, instead of turning down the offer to seek more money for it – then he would have been all the better for it.

As we move towards the future with sexbots, maybe society should consider whether these could be benefit of all, instead of simply for the wealthy and the perverted. And perhaps we should also not think of the sexbots as a total cure-all for headaches and arguments men and women suffer from each other. Its best for society to keep an open mind towards them, and try to find a way to use them as a positive tool and a force for peace and happiness in the world. – “Deplorable” Steve

A Tale of Two Kaps

In case you didn’t know already, the CIA has taken to using body doubles lately, as well as forcing people like Bruce Jenner and Richard Simmons to have sex changes. Case in point is Hilary Clinton, who either collapsed or was arrested and thrown in a black van at the 911 memorial – only to reappear 35 pounds lighter and with a much skinnier neck and 15 years younger ( after having ducked into Chelsea’s apartment for a few hours). This same secret government program has apparently targeted Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers with body doubles and mind control experiments as part of a conspiracy to modify social behaviors of the public by manipulating them through their idols.

hilary (pic from newswithviews.com)

Many are saying that the DNC has a professional Hilary impersonator on the payroll, and that she is the double in the pic above: http://radaronline.com/exclusives/2016/07/hillary-clinton-impersonator-revealed/

But I now believe there are two doubles and one actual Hilary (who may being projected as a hologram). And the pro impersonator of Hilary was not the same one who emerged from the apartment after the 911 feinting spell. The pro impersonator (Teresa Barnwell) looks like a more white trash version of Hilary , and is too squat to be the same woman as the Ellen Degenerous skinny version picture above.

 

hillary-clinton-twin-woman-earns-thousands-impersonating-presidential-candidate Teresa Barnwell photo -radaronline

Here is the bottom line: The healthy troll like lady we are seeing most of the time is Barnwell. When the actual Hilary shows up (like at 911 memorial) she looks also squat , but sick and pale. Then after Hilary appears sick – they recoup her image with the thinner, younger, less wrinkled “Ellen” version lookalike – (since Ellen is the most popular dyke in the land a clone of her polls well). And sometimes the actual sick Hilary is hologrammed into public speeches (Obi-Wan Kanobi style where her image flickers but the background does not):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8l08VwVgxc

The reason for that is that’s the only way she can personally appear instead of her doubles and use Hollywood tricks to not appear sick and pale, cross eyed, and too weak to climb three stairs.

Now that brings us to Kaepernick, of the SF 49ers, converting from Judaism to Islam (overnight), growing a giant Fletch-like Afro, and refusing to stand for the National Anthem. He also is looking crazy eyed (one eye sideways)kap before

fletch after (notice the left eye wandering)

hilary2 you see the same eye anomaly here

Many others also noticed her eyes were out of whack yesterday: http://www.infowars.com/mystery-what-was-going-on-with-hillarys-eyes-during-philly-speech/

You have many other American stars being subjected to CIA mind control and social conditioning (namely anyone who was famous for wearing short-shorts in the 80s is now subject to rebranding). Look at his new identity after having spent 3 years in his mansion reportedly under the watch of the men in black, and notice he still wears a beard and maintains a THIRD identity (his old self , his new woman self, and his new trucker self):

simmons simmons2 -(dailymail)simmons3

These celebs and politicians are easy to blackmail and force identity changes on, or to whack and replace with a double. Bruce Jenner killed someone with his car after the sex change :  http://www.thewrap.com/bruce-jenner-hit-with-wrongful-death-lawsuit-over-fatal-malibu-crash-report/

Its easy to see how the CIA can target irresponsible people or people with dark secrets and then use threats of legal prosecution if they do not comply with their new assigned identity, or if they do not pay back their debts. In Kaps case there was a pseudo -rape case against him that was dropped for instance. http://www.tmz.com/2014/06/12/colin-kaepernick-no-charges-to-be-filed-in-sexual-assault-case/ So you can assume there were other instances which were blackmail-able or where they could coerce him based on dirt they have on him. And some of these other guys like Simmons or Jenner probably had illegal porn on their hard-drive or some other low-life vulnerabilities to being manipulated by a 3rd party. -“Deplorable” Steve

 

Sully – A Boring Film About Mustaches

sully2

Going into this film you already know that they land the plane safely. The plane doesn’t even nosedive or anything, it just glides onto the Hudson. The plot heads to a pointless bureaucracy type deal (welcome to America). Me personally – I’ve experienced a 10 thousand foot straight drop in an airliner. And I will tell you its much more exciting than this piece of shit poor excuse of a movie displays. The freggin’ foodcarts went flying down the aisles. Stewardesses went flying 30 feet back and hit their heads and got knocked out. Kids threw their hands up in the air and yelled “Woohoo!” – as if on a rollercoaster. But not in this film –
what you get in this film is a lot of close-ups of nicely groomed mustaches.

sully

Tom Hanks grew out his mustache a lot for this film. And Aaoron Eckhart ( or however you spell his over-rated name) also did a lot of mustache grooming for this film. I guess that since they put so much dedication into their mustache grooming that I am supposed to start feeling all patriotic when I watch this movie/ But instead it makes Americans look like a bunch of spoiled pussies who make a big deal out of a wimpy plane landing.
Also duly noted is the fact that the main character (Hanks) spends half the movie on his cell phone with his wife. I got to love this trend of having to watch main characters make lengthy boring cell phone calls after I have been told to silence my own. Don’t we go to movies to get away from phones??
Anyhow , mustache or no mustache, this film is a raging piece of donkey crud – certainly deserving of numerous Razzie awards. No doubt Hanks will get another undeserved Oscar instead. I would give this film negative nine-hundred-and-eleven stars. –“Deplorable” Steve

P.S. Don’t go pay to see this movie. The following link will give you your fill of mustaches for free instead!:  https://www.google.com/search?q=sully+pics&biw=1438&bih=655&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwigz-OJ66DPAhVW72MKHYnnAjkQ7AkINg&dpr=0.95

 

Rise of the Sexbots (Chapter 4)

Chapter 4

The Pop Princess Selection System

The scene’s beginning is where FUDGE-A and ESKIMOSA are still covered by the SKATER’s guns have lead the SKATERS to give them meg at a Pick n’ Pull junkyard.

They are charged by barking dogs who surprise them in the dark. The dogs are shown to be at the end of their chains out of harm’s way for now though.

GOOGAMOOGA: So where’s the stuff?

FUDGE-A: Come over here.

FUDGE-A leads the group to a counter decorated with used car parts. A salesman

wearing the W.O.P. insignia bounces to life.

SALESMAN: What do you want?

GOOGAMOOGA: We’re looking for meg.

SALESMAN: I don’t know what you’re talking about. You shouldn’t be out here.

TRISH: We want some shit.

SALESMAN: The portapotty’s been busted for a year now. You can let ‘er rip outside

the property.

KANGAZOO: Okay, joker. How about some Tums.

SALESMAN: Oh it’s Tums you want. That’ll be five tetra.

KANGAZOO: We don’t have any tetras. WINGNUT and HECKYL over here said he could hook us up.

SALESMAN: There’s no free rides over here. Why don’t you try hacking into Incel’s server and bootlegging some or something?

KANGAZOO: Now who would go and do a thing like that?

TRISH winks at KANGAZOO.

SALESMAN: No tokens no laundry.

FUDGE-A lifts the hood of a broken car and lifts out a teddy bear stuffed with vials.

He grabs a couple of them for their hosts the SKATERS.

FUDGE-A: Consider this a high interest loan. Five tetras now. An extra tetra each day. If you take more than a week we kill you and snatch all your dental work for payment.

This lie satisfies the salesman who lets them go.

FUDGE-A: Come on let’s get out of here.

The W.O.P. bikers lead the SKATERS out of the JUNKYARD infrastructure.

TRISH asks ESKIMOSA, “Is that enough?” as they walk behind the BIKERS.

ESKIMOSA: That’s enough for a team on a 50 gang.

They get back on their motorcycles pulling the SKATERS. They motor past the entrance of the worker’s camp where the mantra “Work for Work’s sake is stamped as a metal sign over the gate.

The W.O.P. bikers, FUDGE-A and ESKIMOSA, lead KANGAZOO, TRISH, and GOOGAMOOGA through a back entrance of Echelon agency. The SKATERS are wearing biker disguises so as not to be detected by the cameras. They’re dressed as bikers. FUDGE-A lets the group in with his badge.

They are first met with resistance by the W.O.P. bikers inside the W.O.P. break room but eventually FUDGE-A and ESKIMOSA explain that they’ve cut a deal with the SKATERS.

FUDGE-A takes the SKATERS to a large dark room where the sun never shines annexed to the lizard base where they can view the sexbots. They’re recharging while connected in a long series to an unseen power source.

FUDGE-A: This is an important part of the worker’s reward system.

ESKIMOSA: The workers get a tetra for every sixty hours performed in the mining operations. The best bot can get 15 tetras for her services in any one of several tunnels connected beneath this zone.

TRISH: I have a funny feeling about this place. We should go.

Ignoring her anxiety, KANGAZOO and GOOGAMOOGA are fascinated by what they are seeing.

KANGAZOO: Who oversees the sexbot exchanges? Is it the lizard overlords?

FUDGE-A: I can see how you would think that. But while the programming and maintenance of the girls is conducted by lizards, the sexbots are self-regulating.

They’re inner most conduits accept the tetra coins and are signaled by She.

KANGAZOO: Who is the She we keep hearing about?

ESKIMOSA: Don’t tell them.

FUDGE-A: What difference does it make? We’re already dead if the old lizards find out what we’ve been telling them.

ESKIMOSA: Alright. But the truth will cost you a tetra.

KANGAZOO: Add it to my tab.

GOOGAMOOGA: Wait a minute. Do you hear that? What is that sound?

In the darkened robot recharge hall, the sound of a woman’s voice reverberates through the metallic gate.

ESKIMOSA: That sound is She. The Echelon scientists found the exact frequency to make the workers’ as docile as possible. They select a natural born woman with the exact pitch and timbre and using programmed timbre deploy poplaver music at focused intervals. These songs override the worker’s autonomic reflexes completely.

GOOGAMOOGA: I never heard of anything like that before.

FUDGE-A: Get a load of this. The lizard promise that She also rents her body

workers. The price is 1,000,000 tetras.

GOOGAMOOGA: What does it cost to get her to stop singing?

FUDGE-A: Come on. We shouldn’t be here too long.

TRISH: (Insightfully) So this little songbird holds millions of people in slavery with TV commercial jingles and nursery rhymes.

FUDGE-A: Yeah, but not us. We’ve stayed out of the barbed wire for two generations because we’re born and bred outside of the system.

GOOGAMOOGA: What about No God Only Pain though?

FUDGE-A: I didn’t say we have a defense against that degree of sonic assault. Nobody has. –Saint Reggie

sexbots10

The Voodoo Wheelchair of Death

wheelchair-001front

There was this dark spacious intersection in Campbell, CA. It was nothing very remarkable. The asphalt was dull with dull yellow and white painted stripes It was a grimy area, near a creek. The large unsuccessful liquor store by it was faltering, its Ethiopian owner stooping to selling cigs to kids. It was quite a grimy area. The laundry mat was old and run-down. A tasty but crummy looking Chinese joint was there too. And the lights took forever too. Hamilton and San Thomas were not a pretty site.

People zoomed by this place in their fancy cars on their way to work at Ebay or Netflix. Since it was near highway 17 which connected to all the other highways in the area. Basically this area was spread out, so hardly anyone walked. There were a few bicyclists every once in a while. One day a young gay black disabled man named Robert set out in his Quickie power wheel chair to head to his medical appointment. Robert had muscular dystrophy or something like that, and it caused him to drool. That didn’t stop him from taking weight lifting classes at De Anza or from wanting to do martial arts. He was a really cheerful and uplifting guy to know. Anyhow the sun was starting to set, and there was quite a glare in the sky, especially with all the summer pollution up above. Robert pulled up into the crosswalk, wrongly assuming the monster SUV would stop for the right turn on red. Needless to say the SUV plowed through him at full-speed, fully accelerating through the impact – and never looking back. And they were blasting horrible sounding rap music with the bass turned up, while leaving a trail of lifeless bones and blood in the street behind their vehicle.

Robert had a fairly small tightly knit group of friends, all of which attended the funeral. Malcolm’s gay lover was in shock and jumped on the coffin as it lowered at the funeral. His mom passed out drunk in the limo. And the priest had gas and did a lousy sermon. But luckily Robert had one kinda chubby brown haired nerd friend named Chuck from back in the day who had gotten very much into voodoo. He had been interested in voodoo ever since he was very young and read the Harvard professors book called Serpent and the Rainbow. He went to Haiti himself while in college and had learned the black arts himself.

Chuck was irate and disturbed that the SUV driver fled and was not caught after mauling Malcolm. He had immediately gone to the crime scene (intersection) and took what he could find in terms of wheelchair and bone/blood frags. There were some chips of paint from where the car had hit, and he saved those too . He set them up at his black voodoo altar in his man-cave. And lit candles all around the room in a hexagon. He went into his herb jars and grabbed poppies, scorpion tails, beetles, and other strange ingredients and ground them into a potion. He had a new Quickie wheelchair that he ordered from Amazon Prime. So he sprinkled the potion on the wheelchair. Next, he did some Latin chants (basically about seeking revenge for his homie) and made a blood offering. Finally, he poured out a Mickey’s 40oz malt liquor over Malcolm’s old high school yearbook. Suddenly the windows flew open, and there was loud banging on all the walls. His blunt lit itself on fire, while shit started flying everywhere. The Ouija Board he had on the table in the corner started to spell something. It said:

I AM GOING TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER WHO RAN ME OVER!!!

Suddenly Robert’s Quickie 5000 wheelchair miraculously transmutated and reconstituted itself from small fragments into its original condition. But it didn’t stop there. It was shiny and mean looking now, and it had hydrolics and started bouncing. The arm rest and siding now had custom detailing saying “Made In Hell” with flames and skulls and dice emanating from it. Its wheels grew to epic proportions- more than eight feet high each! And the damned thing even had hubs with sharp Swiss-made blades sticking out more than 8 inches each. The cushion of the chair was also enormous, and it glowed angrily like a hot coal in a fire. Under the seat were a set of demon teeth, larger than those of any great white shark. And the battery was now the size of a large jet engine’s. The exhaust pipe have out a thick, putrid neon-green cloud of smoke, like that color from Maximum Overdrive. The wheelchair grew so large and tall that it burst through the roof, and squashed all the furniture. Then it loudly set out into the night to seek revenge.

On DVD: High-Rise is an Elite Film

high

One of the few terrific films so far this year is “High-Rise,” an alternate-future dystopian sci-fi film based on the ’70s cult novel by J,G. Ballard. It’s about a futuristic high-rise which is encompassed by Britain’s entire class system, with the poor on the bottom and going up in class level with each floor. Tom Hiddleston from the “Thor” films and “Marvel’s The Avengers” stars as the newest resident of the buildings, a doctor who is a bit befuddled when both Sienna Miller and Jeremy Irons (who plays the building’s architect) take an interest in him. People in the high-rise seem to have lots of free time, which they spend sun-bathing or socializing at parties. Some of the elite in the high-rise wear baroque-styled garb. There is a certain giddiness in the high rise until the power outages begin and all hell starts to break loose. As the poor work their way up the building total chaos ensues. People start getting chopped into bits in a brutal anarchistic state of nature.

The plot description sounds pretty simple, but actually this movie is pretty hard to follow. My brother and I watched it three times prior to attempting to review it, since its so off-beat and eccentric. So much happens that it’s hard to keep track of it all, but that’s ok because “High-Rise” consistently works as an exercise in surrealism. There is, for example, a gigantic party in which everyone is dressed in sort of Victorian garb while symphonic versions of Abba songs are played by a large orchestra. The scene doesn’t make any sense, but it’s mesmerizing. The film as a whole is funny and sad. It’s funny because it’s very eccentric, but sad because so much of Ballard’s futuristic vision of class strife has come true. This is a very good movie and I highly recommend it, but be ready to pay close attention. It’s a must for fans of offbeat cinema. –CoolAC & Steve