Artwork by Ketza
How To Get A Female To Orgasm
If your exposure to female sexuality is limited primarily to pornography, you might get the impression that women just need to touch a big hard dick to get aroused to orgasm. But we all know in reality that most women are much more complicated than that.
Compared to women, most guys are pretty straightforward. They see a sexy body, they quickly get horny, their dick gets erect, they pump their dick, and they orgasm with a squirt of cum. That’s the usual pattern when they masturbate or have sex. Their main goal is to orgasm, and their secondary goal is to get their partner to orgasm.
Women, on the other hand, don’t really fit a single pattern. Some arouse quickly from touching a sexy body, while others arouse slowly from building an emotional connection over a deep conversation. Some women are always horny and wet, while others seem to never be in the mood. They may prefer deep vaginal or anal penetration, firm oral or clitoral stimulation, or just a tight hug and slow full body massage. They may hope for multiple orgasms or expect none at all. So when a guy initiates sex with a new woman, how does he get her to orgasm?
First of all, realize that although women like to orgasm as much as men do, many women have difficulty reaching it, and some just don’t orgasm. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try anyways, because she still might orgasm, and at least she’d enjoy your seduction. If she doesn’t orgasm, don’t take it personally as a failure, because it may be nobody’s fault, and that will totally ruin the mood.
Unlike the male orgasm process which is mostly visual and physical, the female orgasm process is more mental than physical. In a penis-in-vagina scenario, the guy will feel good mostly from the physical act, but the woman will only feel good if she’s in the mood. Try to put her in the mood by making her feel sexy and desired. Tell her you want her now, but you can wait until she’s ready. That way you tempt her without pressuring her, so she feels safe and in control. Also try to make her feel respected, relaxed, comfortable, and warm. Skin contact is very telling. If she avoids your touch, she doesn’t want to have sex with you. If she likes it and wants more, you should keep pushing the boundaries until she stops enjoying it or tells you to stop there for now.
When you start having sex, ask her what she likes and wants from you. Even if it’s weird, don’t mock her, and try to deliver. She may be able to build an orgasm only in a certain way, be it: a specific sex position, prolonged amount of pressure or motion, simultaneous stimulation of various parts, having rough or kinky sex, or using vibrators or toys. Most women also need to visualize horny thoughts, which could be aided with dirty talk, acting out scenes, and props, or just hearing your heavy breathing and wordless moaning. If she doesn’t state any preferences, take control and proceed with how you want to have sex with her, and switch out anything she dislikes to something else she might enjoy.
Try to help her reach orgasm before you do, as she might need your dick to be erect, though she might not need it at all. Try to last as long as possible, in order to pleasure her, not just so you can brag about your stamina. If she orgasms, keep trying to give her more orgasms. If she doesn’t orgasm, keep trying to help her until you’re too tired. If you orgasm first, or your dick goes limp, keep trying to build up her orgasm by stimulating the parts she’s focusing on. You may need to replace your penis with your hands to apply pressure to her clitoris and your fingers to throb her vagina. There’s no excuse for you to stop until she’s had enough or you pass out from trying. After sex, most women enjoy cuddling or being spooned until they fall asleep in your arms. This is important for building that connection so when she wakes up she’ll want to have sex with you again.
Most importantly, keep in mind that women have a different goal than men when it comes to sex. Her goal is for you both to enjoy the experience—both the physical sensation (having sex) and the emotional connection (being in the mood, being intimate together, you trying your best to pleasure her)—which hopefully lead to orgasm but often don’t. In the end, it’s more important that she felt sexually pleasured the way she wanted you to than for her to have simply orgasmed. And making her happy increases your odds for having sex with her again.