Arrival: Giger meets Kubrick

arrival-2016-film-trailerAliens in cinema have been pretty standard the last couple of years; they invade, we respond, there’s a battle, patriotic music swells, audience falls asleep. “Arrival” sort of belongs to the Hollywood template, but it is also excitingly different. Amy Adams plays a linguist who is brought in by the government to translate alien communication from one of about a dozen UFO’s that have landed around the world. Together with a theoretical physicist played by Jeremy Renner, she must figure out what the aliens want before time runs out and we attack them in fear. The film is interesting because it shows how we might realistically respond to an alien visit, and also the process involved in trying to communicate with them. It takes “Close Encounters” to the next level. Also, the design of the aliens, which I won’t reveal here, is quite fascinating and different from what we normally get. A twist ending also makes things very interesting and makes the film a good one for repeat viewing. On the minus side, the film is slow-paced and sappy at times, and Forest Whitaker is woefully underused. Overall, however, “Arrival” is very cool and highly recommended. It’ll make you rethink your stance on ET’s.




Losers have taken to the streets nationally. The left practices scorched earth , and likes to cry over spilled milk. They presume themselves to be so tolerant and open-minded.  And yet they disrespect the result of our lawfully won election and will not accept that they cannot monopolize executive power beyond the last 8 years. The left is very happy taxing the right. But they do not want us to have the right to representation. And that right to be represented if taxed is written in America’s founding documents, and is a corner stone of the social contract.

The unusually warm autumn, the warmest in twenty years, makes it convenient for these brats to come out in droves. They would have been better off had they spent more time actually voting and less time rioting this past year. Look for rioting in such lovely places as Oakland as the night wears on.


Smith & Wesson’s DUMB Name Change


Smith and Wesson group is changing their historic name, which was named after its founders, to American Outdoors Brands. I think they were expecting a Clinton presidential victory. Hilary was planning to crack down on assault weapons; whereas Trump is down with guns. The stock is down 13 percent today. Its a fucking lame name, that sounds gimpy and sub K-mart. It is my hope that shareholders are able to vote down this new name, as well as fire the CEO for pulling stupid unexpected surprises on an otherwise strongly performing company. Their CEO deserves to be water-boarded and kicked in the nuts repeatedly for cow-towing to the left and trying to distance his company’s image from its core purpose – which is guns. Trump is now president and our country (thankfully) has its balls back again. Those who act ball-less will now be kicked in the balls repeatedly (figuratively speaking) as a test , and those who fail will be discarded into the dustbin of history.



“Mind’s Eye” is Mind-Blowing


Wanting some new “Scanners” action and bummed out that David Cronenberg is making art-house films? Welcome to “The Mind’s Eye,” the best “Scanners” film that isn’t a “Scanners” film. The movie is a low-budget indie riff on “Scanners,” using a very similar plot, mostly unknown actors, a Tangerine Dream-like score, and a wonderful array of non-stop practical effects. Some will cry foul that it is too similar to “Scanners” but I think it’s groovy. It is so cheesy yet cool that I can’t find fault with it.

The high point, for me, is the cameo by Larry Fessenden, the director of such cult classics as “Habit” and “Wendigo.” He has been producing and directing fsome of the best indie horror films of the last 17 years, and in this movie and “You’re Next” he is proving himself a capable supporting actor. Films like “We are Still Here,” “Stakeland,” and this one have an ingenuity that is lacking in Hollywood films. Whereas a Hollywood film would just plaster on millions of dollars of bad CGI, this one gives us old-fashioned head explosions.

Hollywood, stop making fantasy crap and give us real films like this! I would much rather watch a film about mind control and government agencies done with spirit and on the cheap than one second of “X-Men Apocalypse.” Larry Fessenden is a way better actor than James McAvoy in my opinion. In short, “The Mind’s Eye” is a can’t miss for those of us who dig B-movies and “Scanners.” It puts the fun back in sci-fi horror. –CoolAC


Seagal Becomes Russian

Evidence is pouring in that real men are leaving the country. Fed up with Dem. corruption and sick of a country whose soul is rotting – Steven Seagal has chosen to spend a lot of time in Russia. He has just received Russian citizenship from Putin. Roy Jones Jr. also received Russian citizenship a year or two ago. Real men don’t want to live in an oversensitive PC nation such as the US. Great nations require initiative- taking, results-oriented leaders.  Profiteering liberal windbags are unnecessary. Its too bad we are losing pugilists instead of crooked libs.



Sexbots + Espresso = Awesome

An businessman in London is opening a sexbot cafe’ later this year.

Sex robot cafe to open in London after entrepreneur reveals his ‘fellatio cafe’ will staffed entirely by cyborgs

For about 60 bucks you can get a coffee and hook up with a sexbot. This type of innovative business is great for the working man – who doesn’t have time to argue with women for hours every day. This way you can get your coffee, go for a roll in the hay, and still get to work on time without being shamed for the “hit and run”. Men stand to save a lot of time and a lot of headaches by using such a café. This will allow men to focus on their careers and hobbies more without being sidetracked constantly and being guilt tripped over basically just being a man. Our hat goes off to businessmen who manufacture these bots, as well as those willing to take the plunge and make these bots more widely available (through cafe’s and brothels). Sexbots will be holistic and therapeutic for the population.


True Companion
Sex robot Roxxxy, made by True Companion


Rise of the Sexbots – Parts 6 and 7

 It opens with a SUPERVISOR. He sees a circle of workers not working on his 
surveillance screen. “What’s going on here?” he demands then he’s suddenly 
surrounded by ANGRY MUTANTS.  
But the LIZARDS at don’t notice. They’re too busy with their raid on the 
church. The raid goes on at night. The lizards ambush the building and light it on 
fire. Blood and deaths and fire. 
The fire draws out all of the SKATERS who the LIZARDS then trap in order to force 
into labor. 
A few of the SKATERS escape the church fire. But the SKATERS go to get cover at the 
gas station lair where NO GOD ONLY PAIN is rehearsing. 
of the building as the MUTANT WORKERS tear apart the WORKER CAMP. They hide 
in the sexbot kennel. 
Scene 7 
At the gas station lair, the skaters pick up emergency calls about the siege on their 
radios. They use ingenious weapons to try to defend their lair. But many are 
killed. Vier is captured. 
GOOGAMOOGA, KANGAZOO, TRISH and the BIKERS make a deal with the She Pop 
Princess. She goes to distract the MUTANTS with her singing. But they’re still 
stoned and they rip her apart. GOOGAMOOGA, KANGAZOO, TRISH, FUDGE-A 
and ESKIMOSA narrowly escape. 
The LIZARDS return to the base with a large amount of slaves. The SKATERS left at 
the gas station make a plan to rescue Vier. 
the BIKERS to kill the LIZARDS. LIZARDS are unaware that half of their base 
has rioting going on in it. 

Young People “Follow”

A Wikileaks transcript released today shows that Hilary Clinton’s confidants think young people are fucking stupid “followers” – whose opinions are formed by “following” cool people. They are right!!!

“I hate to generalize a generation but by social media nature, they “follow”. So if someone they identify as cool endorses – they will likely fall in line with that candidate.”

Wikileaks Email: Hillary Campaign Struggles to Reach “F**king Dumb” Young People

I commend Hilary on this point! She has finally said something truthful. Kudos!!! Sorry millenials, but you have failed to produce on single great band or half-way decent political movement. I blame you for putting bland two chord modern rock with a ball-less singer on the radio at my gym. I blame you for Katie Perry and Taylor Swift still being taken seriously as artists. I blame you for BLM, which is ignorant, and resulted in burning cities and dead cops. I blame you for the terrible styles I must sift through at this discount clothing store – stuff that looks like its left over from a Southwestern gay rodeo. I blame you for all the sizes of all the clothing being two sizes tighter than it was for every other generation – because your generation wants to be little girly men with no muscles (and really tight clothes on like skinny jeans). I blame you for having helped make my Subaru station wagon to be seen as a “gay lifestyle car” – when it was red meat and potato eating A-hole conservatives like me (plus rally -car enthusiasts) who drove them in the past. I blame you for turning sports into a PC bastion. For watching too many crappy CGI movies, and for watching too much PG-13 commercial crap. For downloading everything for free and killing the music industry. For spending all your money on beer at shows, instead of supporting the band. For flooding every online dating site with 10 men to every one woman, because you are too wimpy to hit on them in public. For flooding the internet with gay personal ads. For letting women walk all over you as a generation, and kissing their asses while they enslave you. For favoring a treasonous liar over an American patriot who is sacrificing his own well being for the good of the nation – rather than vice-versa… I blame you for necessitating discussions about bathrooms and national anthems WHILE THE WORLD IS AWASH IN MASS WARFARE, HUBRIS, AND CALAMITY!!!

Most of you have left it to your elders to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN. The few of you who have shunned social media and shunned liberalism are to be commended also.


Intense Film: Desierto

desert desert4

Looking for a different kind of foreign film? Not the artsy kind, not the crowd-pleasing kind, but one with terror and suspense? Welcome to “Desierto,” a film that couldn’t have arrived at a more timely moment than right now. It is about a group of immigrants who have just crossed the border and are in the desert, looking forward to new, better lives in America. Unfortunately for them, a hick cowboy with a mean dog is taking it as his mission to shoot and kill as many illegal immigrants as he can. Obviously, a standoff is coming. Can anyone survive?

The movie works because it doesn’t push its concept beyond B-movie basics. Gael Garcia Bernal is a good protagonist and Jeffrey Dean Mprgan is chilling as the villain, who sees killing illegal immigrants as being all in a day’s work. The film is so well-made that you feel like you’re in the desert with the characters. Director Jonas Cauron gives us a blunt, unpretentious thriller that scores big because it never tries to make political and didactic points. If you want to be thrilled beyond all expectation, go see “Desierto.” –CoolAC


Hands-On Sexbot Festival?



Getty Images





There is a sexbot festival coming up in London. It was banned in Malaysia. Too risqué.

We- the staff at Groin- are very pleased that this festival is occurring. However, we feel that the best way for people to get skilled with sexbots is with real “hands-on” type workshops (e.g. sexbot orgies). And we are concerned that this event might lean too far towards only having demonstrations – but not enough audience participation.

Such androids are seen by many as something that losers would be interested in. But on the contrary, it is the true player (who is up to his elbows in women already) who would benefit the most from having a sexbot – since he could use it as leverage when forced to argue with a woman. Sexbots can be a useful learning tool, helping individuals to fine tune their skills in bed – as well as experiment. In the end sexbots will even be an outlet for frustrated couples to break out of that funk together. There are so many possibilities. The key to it all is hands on exploration. With sexbots I worry about ending up with a costly repair bill or service warrenty. I have owned things like pinball machines that were a pain when repairs were needed. But at least there won’t be any divorce papers or lengthy arguments with sexbots. 🙂