Insidious Last Key Is Unwatchable

Bring your tomatoes. The movie about Churchill looked empty. However, Insidious The Key, which leads off with a dad beating on his four year old daughter, then further abusing her by locking her in the basement with demons is doing big business. Prior to beating her the dad asks the daughter to say there are no ghosts, but the daughter likes to get abused (I suppose). We get the usual creepy basement with demon claw hand emerging shots.  Then the mom comes down to check on daughter, and gets hung to death by some weird electrical chord (ya! really believable!!). And the child wakes up like 90 years later looking super old, though she died in a previous film. And she is drawing the demon and writing ‘turn the key’, as if she is retarded or something and needs to be writing this down due to lack of intelligence. I have given up on keeping track of the timeline of this series. I cannot in good conscience recommend a film that is essential child beating and demon porn. I walked out 5 minutes into the film and got a well deserved refund. There was a large audience there who seemed to enjoy the film.

Films like the Exorcist were good because they dealt with the battle between good and evil, and the crisis of faith which allows demons in. Insidious and Paranormal Activity are totally failures substantively, because they fail to address the spiritual gap in America which has led to the corrosion of virtue, and lead to the worship of darkness, power, and evil. Instead of priests being called and family members taking up faith, we get a bunch of psychic mediums, who probably couldn’t even predict a stock market rally or a ballgame outcome. These psychics are frauds, and what they see in their visions are merely illusionary lies made by demons, which further opens doorways to more demons. The film actually realizes this and puts it into the plot, which makes it intelligent on one level at least. However the overall goal of the series legitimizes child abuse, and encourages false new age crap that we all know to be lies like psychic BS (paging Miss Cleo!). I personally have strong intuition, but I combine it with faith and also do not presume anything. Medical studies of psychics such as card game draws and such have been shown to only give very slight statistical advantages to those with intuition. Enough to grind out consistent (but small) profits in the casino. But not enough to be omnipresent like a God, as in these films.

Demons are as afraid of light and gospel as non-Christians are of demons. When confronted with demons do not idolize them like in this movie. Instead look down upon them, for they are afraid to come out into the light. Fear no evil.

Or hell, if you wanna be evil, then at least do it consciously and go join those dang demons! Maybe they will kick you down some power or some shit. I am just sick of these wishy-washy in between psychic people. Choose a side already please!

In the meanwhile, if you wanna scare yourself, go listen to some Slayer, or something that doesn’t involve making money off watching four year olds take a beating. That’s really low-brow!

Star Wars: The Last SJW

The case for A+:

Mark Hamill made a great performance in his return to the role of Luke. Though not given totally logical material, Hamill made the very most of this role, and gave the film the brevity it needed. The plot about him being torn between whether or not to be an active part of society or a recluse was surprisingly powerful, though flawed. I say it was flawed because Luke abruptly decides to rejoin the Rebellion for little to no reason, after having abandoned it for strong reasons.

The space ship battle scenes, as well as the film score, were both quite riveting. Adam Driver also gave a solid performance as Han Solo’s evil son. There was some great dialogue by him about ‘destroying the past’ to control the future (an Illuminati and Nietzsche-like view).  Benecio Del Torro also had a strong screen presence as a Han Solo type grafter, and was charming.


The case for F:

Social Justice BS pervaded this film . The cast was so multiethnic that it looked like a bad Sesame Street episode. There is even a big-headed chubby Japanese girl in one of the lead roles for some reason???

The ethic people have no personality, save social justice background stories, and a bunch of yelling ‘Ya!” Apparently, in the future only multiethnic new cast mems do anything (with the exception of Luke). So you will never get to know if any of the minorities in the film can really act, since they are just there to ‘play the role of that minority SJW’ instead of an ‘actual character’. The black guy character has now been in two or three of the films, but has not one character trait thus-far. I cannot even remember the names of most of the characters in these films due to lack of personality, though some have been in multiple films. A very bad sign!

But of course it goes without saying all the Empire bad guys are white males, and most often Anglo-Saxon. Like society itself in many ways, the Rebel fleet was run by a band of five wimpy white dykes, headed by Lara Dern as the Admiral. Pretty much like if Hilary had won the election. The dykes look like they were just at the mall, and they refuse to do anything actionable, until one character mutinies them for being do-nothings. It makes you wonder if you wouldn’t rather join the dark side than work for a bunch of beauty parlor dykes with ugly facial features and no boobs. I’d rather go read an old Playboy instead.

This brings us to Princess Leah, played by Carrie Fisher, who is really really bad in this flick, and should get a post-humus Razzie Award. She at one point floats into space (afte.r the ship gets attacked) and defies all physics. Even Vader and Luke would have died in outer space without breathing apparatus. Fisher is really high in the ‘chain of command’ (something the dykes rub in through the whole film). Yet, she looks barely fit to guard a slot machine in Reno. And she keeled over and died from partying after the film was released. She had really hunchy shoulders, and turkey neck veins, to go with the smoker’s voice. Not sure why they didn’t just kill her off early in this movie or the last (instead of Han!). I also didn’t mention the porgs, or whatever they are called. Porgs are some dumb creature meant to sell action figures and furry stuffed animals, and makes the movies seem dumb.

Also, I would add that the young British Jedi girl is boring (actress-wise). And the Chewy and Yoda look like the kid-friendly Dollar Store version of their former selves. Another thing is that people really don’t like the part where Adam Driver takes his shirt off trying to seduce the young Jedi girl. It makes guys feel gay, I was told at Jiu Jitsu class (ironically).

There was also a lot subversive of class warfare and (animal rights) propaganda against rich people, as evidenced by the demonization of casinos and horse-racing type events in the film. Finally, C3PO should have had more screen time with Luke, instead of one lousy thankless line.


This film gets a pass. Though I admit it was choppy. I say this because even though the social justice warriors dominate the film’s screen time, Luke comes back at the end to show them that all their PC crap is just that. When the shit hits the fan, even the PC crowd realizes it wouldn’t have survived without that older knowledgeable white guy (Luke), who is willing to fight for virtue. And also I like that the dyke squad had to face mutiny to get them to do anything.

If you go to see this movie, be sure to go to the matinee in order to save money – since this is such a mixed bag. I recommend the drive-in, so you can make fun of the social justice warriors, as well as the parts that make no sense – like where Leah flies out to space and back with no suit on, and is just fine nevertheless. Its important to be able to yell, “Bullshit!”, really loud at certain points in the film. The ending redeems itself though.


Good Time Crime Flick : A-

The crime thriller “Good Time,” which just hit DVD and Blu-Ray, is easily one of the year’s best films. Starring the perennially underrated Robert Pattinson (who is also great in “Cosmopolis” and “The Rover”) as Connie,a smart criminal determined to protect his developmentally disabled brother, the film opens with the two brothers in a heist gone wrong. Connie had busted his brother out of the government’s care, and, as you might expect, the heist goes wrong and the brother ends up in police custody and gets sent to Rikers’ island. The rest of the film is about Connie’s desperate, all-night odyssey to save his brother from the horrors of prison. However, in trying to save his brother, Connie makes big mistakes and ends up getting himself in an astonishing amount of bad situations.

I thought I knew how “Good Time” would turn out, but I was wrong. The script is both serpentine and surprising as it refuses to cater to our expectations. This is not a mainstream film but it is exciting because it is so well executed. All of the actors are great, as are the music and cinematography. The portrayal of the disabled brother is convincing also and Jennifer Jason Leigh is brilliant in a small role. By the end we’ve been through quite a ride with characters and plot twists we haven’t seen before. Pattinson’s portrayal of the smart but misguided and dangerous Connie is indelible. “Good Time” is a must-see!

Thor the Bore

How could a film that is certified fresh at 92% on Rotten Tomatoes be one of the year’s worst films? Its simple, 92% of the public are fucking morons. Watch “Thor Ragnarok” and find out. This Thor sequel could be a good place to start the purge!

In the tradition of “Superman 3” and “Batman and Robin,” this film tosses away any semblance of seriousness to sling joke after joke at us. If the film was funny, like “Superman 3” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” are, this might be forgivable. But with the exception of a great cameo by Stan Lee, this film is not so much funny as painful. See Thor spar with Loki (again)! See Anthony Hopkins (for about a minute)! Watch Cate Blanchett and Jeff Goldblum embarrass themselves (though Goldblum is funny)! Witness the pointless humiliation of the Incredible Hulk character for laughs! Watch scene after scene of elaborate but pointless special effects! Thrill to horrible puns! It’s in 3-D (actually they did OK on that part)! Watch actors fail at conveying emotion in scene after scene! And watch your hard-earned dollars go down the toilet! If you miss one big-budget blockbuster this year, make it “Thor Ragnarok.” I walked out near the end, catastrophically disappointed. “Thor 3” is a bore and a chore, and I couldn’t wait to get out the door.

‘The Foreigner’ is Popcorn-Drool Anti-White Trash

So I went to see this Jackie Chan movie that has been out almost a month called The Foreigner. Chan plays a poor bereaved Chinese ex-patriot whose daughter gets killed by an IRA bomb. It is set in the current day, so this is a joke. Enter Pierce Brosnan as a boring corporate IRA boardroom type guy (talk about boring settings). Brosnan does every scene with 15 white thugs, and fills a ridiculous stereotype that if you have an Irish accent, you are therefor either in the mob or you are a cop. The other good guy besides Chan is a black embassy officer, and it becomes clear early in the film that white people are evil. Also its obvious about five minutes in that Brosnan is the bad guy, and his little act pretending to be Mr. Reformed Bomber Guy is a fail.

To make matters worse, there must have been some kind of popcorn promotion at the theatre I attended. As the trailers about AMC’s shitty soda and popcorn proceeded, fat slob whites and Mexicans surrounded me like the Alamo, with loud slobbering sounds of buttery cholesterol death and straw slurping corn syrup clogging.

My girlfriend simultaneously decided to start browbeating me regarding relationship bullshit. I was forced to relocate to a less odorous, less slobbery section (near the exit). But slobs proceeded to stake positions around me and took my seat as I got up for 5 seconds for fresh air and recomposing. At this point (which was about twelve minutes into the film) I felt I would have to vomit if I stayed in this disgusting theatre.

As I went outside Mexican families waddled by with disgusting filled popcorn boxes the size of their upper frame, while towing two extra plastic bags (each) of even more enormous popcorn. This was truly shocking and nauseating. It was like Day of the Popcorn. These people were fucking popcorn zombies I am telling you.

So I went to the front counter and told them the crowd was disgusting and chewing more popcorn than I had ever seen in my entire life. And I was able to get a full refund.

Thank You For Your Service Says ‘Fuck You’ to Kneelers

Everywhere I go in Salinas these days people pull me aside to talk shit about the NFL kneelers. “Too many people in my family died for that flag”, “Those motherfuckers”, and stuff like that are the common small talk here. To start with, fans were not happy their local team the Raiders up and decided to move to Vegas despite sell-outs. Meanwhile the 49ers lost all their first 7 or 8 games, following the Colin Kap debacle where he started the kneeling trend.

I wasn’t expecting much from “Thank You For Your Service,” but I ended up being very pleasantly surprised. This film, which stars Miles Teller and is directed by the writer-producer of “American Sniper,” paints a bleak picture of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It shows the terror of war by following three Iraq War vets through their post-war experiences, which tend to be scarier than any horror film I’ve seen this year. One of the soldiers is an African American who has almost completely lost his ability to remember dates. Your heart goes out to him. Because the film is a true story, the resolution is not as exciting as it seems like it could be. But it’s a powerful film, and Amy Schumer (who I’m not wild about) is fine in a straight dramatic role. This movie is definitely worth seeing and probably better than “American Sniper.” Don’t miss it if you like serious films!

American Made Delivers

“American Made” is Tom Cruise’s best movie in awhile. It’s a dark comedy based on true events about a pilot who gets in way over his head working for the C.I.A. and, later, Pablo Escobar and Manuel Noriega. Because his actions shed so much negative light on America’s activities in the Middle East (detailed in the Iran-Contra scandal), he is able to escape punishment for an extraordinarily long time. Although Cruise has trouble with his character’s southern accent, he fearlessly portrays his character’s lack of moral qualms. In fact, in terms of having access to planes, a ton of money, and guns for no good reason, his character resembles the Vegas shooter. Is this just a coincidence, or is it some kind of deeper message from Hollywood about how history repeats. Look at Obama’s cash pallet Iran deal. Or how the CIA accidentally armed ISIS when the Iraqi army forfeited their weapons.

One of the best things about this film was that the cinematography was excellent. Many of the shots of the vast forests of South America are breath-taking as Cruise flies above. There are some similarities to the film Gold, starring Mathew McConoughey, released not long ago. Its good that films about serious subject matter are sometimes still hitting the mainstream.

Director Doug Liman of “The Bourne Identity” and “Edge of Tomorrow” fame keeps the story focused and the satire sharp. It’s definitely better than the similar “Lord of War” and “War Dogs.” And compared to “Air America” it is golden. The problems with those other films is that they were too whimsical. In short, if you’re looking for a serious film that happens to be very entertaining, go with “American Made.”

Bladerunner 2049 Review

As a sequel to perhaps the greatest science-fiction film of all time, “Blade Runner 2049” has a lot to live up to. And, surprisingly, it does, in one of the year’s best films. Ryan Gosling plays Agent K, a replicant blade runner who is assigned to track down and kill Deckard (Harrison Ford, returning from the original). He soon discovers that, through Deckard, he may hold the key to a secret that could change history forever.

This film cost $150 million and looks it. Society on Earth is barely surviving an environmental onslaught, but it is still recognizably a “Blade Runner” world. There is a big Sony presence in the future, and a gigantic hologram of a naked woman (which must look great in 3D). The line between human and androids has further blurred.

Harrison Ford is much better in this film than he was in the first one, exuding warmth, humanity, and purpose. I also really liked Jared Leto as the sinister, blind android manufacturer, and Robin Wright as K’s understanding superior. Besides being excellent science fiction, the film is also a mystery and a film noir. As with the first one, the ending is surprisingly moving and provides a real emotional catharsis. Hans Zimmer’s score (with an assist from Vangelis) is his best in years.

If I have a complaint, it is that the film, photographed by Roger Deakins, is not as aesthetically pleasing as the original. That’s a small gripe, though, for a film that accomplishes so much. “Blade Runner 2049” is a must-see.

Kingsman 2: A Violent Masterpiece

You want action? You want fun? “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” delivers! More entertaining and less nasty than the first entry, this movie involves Julianne Moore trying to take over the world with a drug that incapacitates and eventually kills anyone who has ever used drugs. Only the Kingsmen can stop her. OK, so the plot is as silly as a “Naked Gun” movie. That doesn’t matter. The exuberance with which this film is made and acted is what matters. For example, there is a great gag about turning people into edible sausages that is a great reference to the classic exploitation film “The Exterminator.”

Another great thing is the way Elton John is used; playing himself, he is genuinely funny. Basically, though a little long, this film is one riotous scene after another. Star Taylor Edgerton is more convincing than he was the first time and it is great to see Colin Firth back. Basically, it’s a film you can turn your brain off and enjoy. The action is non-stop and the gags are fast and furious. If you like action and off-color humor, don’t miss this one!

Dark Tower – A Solid Fantasy Film

Our other staff writer underestimated how good this film is. The film adaptation of Stephen King’s Dark tower is a towering masterpiece. Elba is awesome as the gunslinger and takes the role seriously. Also, he does some good dead-pan humor. He plays a fantasy western version of a Knights Templar. His guns were ‘forged from Exacalibur’.

McConaughey is also strong as the man in black, who can be thought of as the false prophet in a Biblical sense. The man in black bears a striking resemblance to the Randall Flagg character in the Stand, another apocalyptic Stephen King masterpiece. Unlike other modern hits like Harry Potter, this movie the Dark Tower warns against the use of occultist magic.

The most obvious occult symbols in the film are the dark tower itself (Tower of Babel/ WTC parallels are obvious from the NYC skyline shots being ominously shown over and over again), and the portal itself (CERN parallels). Just as in the stories Firestarter, there are tons of insinuations to the MK Ultra program (unveiled by the Church committee in the 70s in Congress and the victims were paid reparations), in which the government takes kids who have psychic abilities and abuses them and does experiments on them. In the Dark Tower the government keeps trying to seize the kid character in the film to do just that.

This movie is considered a fantasy. But it is not. It is Stephen King’s coded way of warning us of several things:
a) magic and occultism are dangerous and help to bring about the Anti-Christ (the Man in Black), by opening portals for demons to enter our world through.
b) the government kidnaps and experiments on people who are psychic (Firestarter with Drew Berrymore this occurs throughout the film, also in this film they try and get the kid for his psychic abilities, and its done through mental health or foster care)
c) The falling and rebuilding of the World Trade Center has some sort of strong connection to the occult, and King quite possibly predicted the fall of the Twin Towers in his first volume from 1982.

King started writing in the early 1970’s. At that time there was a strong mistrust of government. From the Gulf of Tonkin, to the Church committee, to Cointelprolo Operation, the government had gone and lied to the public while doing some really evil things. Stephen King clearly picked up on this. Many of his works exhibit an anti government paranoia. Not just Firestarter (where George C. Scott acts super creepy almost sexual intonations towards Drew Berrymore), but in the Dead Zone the Martin Sheen character was set to become a fascist dictator set on nuking the world. Lawnmower Man had ‘the Shop’ too. Or in the Stand, where small pox virus breaks out of a government lab, killing off most of the globe’s population. Only to be saved by the ‘Hand of God’ at the end. Stephen King himself is the visionary, and much of what he warns us about is directly from the bible.

This newest film of Stephen King’s is the clearest indication and proof yet that King believes (and is right) that Christian prophecies are fulfilled beyond anything that could be considered coincidence. The fact that the book dealt with apocalyptic towers in NYC way back in 1982 is a blatant example of how human history and future has been coded into biblical prophecy, and cleverly deciphered, reinterpreted, and laid bare for keen observers of pop culture to use as a tool to heighten their intellectual awareness.

Another notable simulacra throughout the film and the book the characters say ‘I shoot with my mind not my hand’. This echoes slogan ‘there is a war for your mind’ just a little to closely to be coincidence. There is also a line that repeats throughout regarding virtue (or lack thereof) about ‘Having forgotten the face of your father(s)’, which likely relates to the Founding Fathers and how America has abandoned its original principles.  As you watch the film see what examples you can find as a viewer in terms of occultism. They are plentiful.