Unicorn Rape (A poem)

I was once raped by a unicorn,
I do not know if it was day, night, or morn.

Once upon a nightingale,
I was softly raped by a unicorn (drunk on ale).

Upon that forcible non-succinct memory,
I have formidably cast doubt on the nominee.

Twas’ forty years ago to this day,
That that giant unicorn caused my dismay.

Twas’ not one unicorn, but rather two or three,
That cause me to join the #Metoo movement so gleefully.

I condemn this system which failed to coddle me,
Forty years past, when the unicorns tried to rape me.

Sexbot Nurses Are the Future

I recently underwent an emergency surgery. My blood count was at a critical level, and I was throwing up on my way into surgery. They cut out part of my intestines, and left me with a lot of medical apparatus and wounds I have to tend to daily. It is very hard to deal with the 3 month recovery time psychologically. There are times when I wish I could go about my normal business more, like having sex , working out, and exercising. However, resting, reading , eating, changing bandages, and light walking are mostly all I can do. What I really want right now is a sexbot!

I can’t really have sex with my girlfriend right now. This is simply because:

a) All the bandages and medical crap still attached to me (such as drains) make sex with me unappealing.
b) I am worried if she gets too into it she might lean on the incision or cause something harmful or painful to me.
c) There is a psychological barrier where I simply don’t feel comfortable making love to my gf until I heal more.

A sexbot nurse is the simple solution for all of this. A sexbot nurse could change my bandages for me + give me a relaxing blowjob, something many girlfriends don’t do very often anyways. This would be entirely therapeutic for me, as well as for other post-surgical patients. I think the stress reduction from such activity would likely speed up my recovery time.

If you have followed the news lately, you are aware there is sexbot persecution going on globally, from Rotterdam all the way to Austin Texas. Bureaucrats have little compassion for patients such as me , who need a sexbot , and maybe some weed as a painkiller. They sit high on their horses, abusing actual women through the power of their office and their prestige. Meanwhile, the little guy , like me, at the bottom end of the sex wars suffers from a lack of sexbot brothels and sexbot nurses.

With the #Metoo movement in full throttle, the time has come for men to move on towards sexbot utopia. Imagine if Kavenaugh could simply tell his accuser,” There is no way I committed sexual battery against you when I was fifteen years old. In fact, I only exclusively used my sexbot Shirley at the time, and I have DNA signature receipt deposits from that day to prove I was already sexually depleted and satisfied.”

PROBLEM SOLVED!

Backpage Shut Down Too

Craigslist personal ads shut down recently, as a result of a new bill which accounted liability to websites for things that third parties do. Now Backpage.com personals and escorts pages have also gone down, with the owners of backpage indicted. The excuse the government is giving was that the site aided in prostitution basically. Of course they also tried to tie in under-aged call girls as the rally cry. Society is steadily marching towards an all work – no play type thing, along with religious zealotry, not unlike that in the Middle East. Adults no longer have the right to freely associate on sites such as Craigslist or Backpage. Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and Date Hookup will probably be next. The Constitution in the United States is under siege. The new thing is to interpret everything as impure unless it is done through the church and marriage, and to evaluate all associations grown adults have with each other, including R rated movies and such, through the lens of “What if a 10 year old walks in accidentally?”

We are reverting towards a crayon society. Like a Sesame Street Lite version of the type of Caliphate you see in the Middle East, but a cross of leftist goody too shoe ‘Metoo’ feminism, which has merged with the religious zealotry of the religious far right, and has formed the perfect monster with which to rid single adults of any type of mature fun they might have with each other, simply because religious ‘family’ people don’t approve. Sorry, but it doesn’t mention in the Constitution that you have the right to freely associate with other adults , unless somehow in theory it offends the sensibilities of some religious asshole somewhere.