Star Wars: The Last SJW

The case for A+:

Mark Hamill made a great performance in his return to the role of Luke. Though not given totally logical material, Hamill made the very most of this role, and gave the film the brevity it needed. The plot about him being torn between whether or not to be an active part of society or a recluse was surprisingly powerful, though flawed. I say it was flawed because Luke abruptly decides to rejoin the Rebellion for little to no reason, after having abandoned it for strong reasons.

The space ship battle scenes, as well as the film score, were both quite riveting. Adam Driver also gave a solid performance as Han Solo’s evil son. There was some great dialogue by him about ‘destroying the past’ to control the future (an Illuminati and Nietzsche-like view).  Benecio Del Torro also had a strong screen presence as a Han Solo type grafter, and was charming.


The case for F:

Social Justice BS pervaded this film . The cast was so multiethnic that it looked like a bad Sesame Street episode. There is even a big-headed chubby Japanese girl in one of the lead roles for some reason???

The ethic people have no personality, save social justice background stories, and a bunch of yelling ‘Ya!” Apparently, in the future only multiethnic new cast mems do anything (with the exception of Luke). So you will never get to know if any of the minorities in the film can really act, since they are just there to ‘play the role of that minority SJW’ instead of an ‘actual character’. The black guy character has now been in two or three of the films, but has not one character trait thus-far. I cannot even remember the names of most of the characters in these films due to lack of personality, though some have been in multiple films. A very bad sign!

But of course it goes without saying all the Empire bad guys are white males, and most often Anglo-Saxon. Like society itself in many ways, the Rebel fleet was run by a band of five wimpy white dykes, headed by Lara Dern as the Admiral. Pretty much like if Hilary had won the election. The dykes look like they were just at the mall, and they refuse to do anything actionable, until one character mutinies them for being do-nothings. It makes you wonder if you wouldn’t rather join the dark side than work for a bunch of beauty parlor dykes with ugly facial features and no boobs. I’d rather go read an old Playboy instead.

This brings us to Princess Leah, played by Carrie Fisher, who is really really bad in this flick, and should get a post-humus Razzie Award. She at one point floats into space (afte.r the ship gets attacked) and defies all physics. Even Vader and Luke would have died in outer space without breathing apparatus. Fisher is really high in the ‘chain of command’ (something the dykes rub in through the whole film). Yet, she looks barely fit to guard a slot machine in Reno. And she keeled over and died from partying after the film was released. She had really hunchy shoulders, and turkey neck veins, to go with the smoker’s voice. Not sure why they didn’t just kill her off early in this movie or the last (instead of Han!). I also didn’t mention the porgs, or whatever they are called. Porgs are some dumb creature meant to sell action figures and furry stuffed animals, and makes the movies seem dumb.

Also, I would add that the young British Jedi girl is boring (actress-wise). And the Chewy and Yoda look like the kid-friendly Dollar Store version of their former selves. Another thing is that people really don’t like the part where Adam Driver takes his shirt off trying to seduce the young Jedi girl. It makes guys feel gay, I was told at Jiu Jitsu class (ironically).

There was also a lot subversive of class warfare and (animal rights) propaganda against rich people, as evidenced by the demonization of casinos and horse-racing type events in the film. Finally, C3PO should have had more screen time with Luke, instead of one lousy thankless line.


This film gets a pass. Though I admit it was choppy. I say this because even though the social justice warriors dominate the film’s screen time, Luke comes back at the end to show them that all their PC crap is just that. When the shit hits the fan, even the PC crowd realizes it wouldn’t have survived without that older knowledgeable white guy (Luke), who is willing to fight for virtue. And also I like that the dyke squad had to face mutiny to get them to do anything.

If you go to see this movie, be sure to go to the matinee in order to save money – since this is such a mixed bag. I recommend the drive-in, so you can make fun of the social justice warriors, as well as the parts that make no sense – like where Leah flies out to space and back with no suit on, and is just fine nevertheless. Its important to be able to yell, “Bullshit!”, really loud at certain points in the film. The ending redeems itself though.


Author: Lord Beardschlimmer Wilhelm Bartholomew III

Leading the charge against societal decay!