While many Americans are freaked out that the government shut down, I, on the other hand, am overjoyed! Who needs the federal government anyway? Being diabled, all I want to do is get in my power wheelchair and run over some able bodied homeless people, and the government should stay out of my way! What has the government ever been good for anyway? Schools? Our schools suck! Welfare checks? Anyone who needs those isn’t fit to shine my shoe! Let’s not forget taxes! Everyone hates taxes! Think of it; think of the possibility of no federal taxes! Wouldn’t that be great? Imagine a world without politicians! Aren’t you in heaven already at the thought? You can say what you want when you want, if there’s no government! You can get wasted anytime you want! Play loud music 24/7! Hit on women without fear of government reprisal! Skip school! Make fun of the fat kid! Travel anywhere in the country at any speed! Swear all the time! Start your own government! Walk around naked! Grab a girl’s boobs! Tell terrible jokes! Show a horror film like Texas Chainsaw Massacre to little kids and give them giant sodas! Start an anarchist motorcycle gang! Start your own church and declare yourself a god! Have a Rob Schneider film festival, complete with sexbot hostesses! The possibilities are endless! Join me, Dave the Degenerate, on a quest to keep the government shut down! We can do better and be freer! Yeah!