Abolish FISA Courts

Like something out of a Franz Kafka novel, FBI director James Comey today testified to the US Congress that he cannot divulge whether a FISA warrant was issued to monitor Trump’s communications. If the president and the Congress cannot use oversight to see whether a warrant was issued by that court, then that court is ILLEGAL. Comey also testified that FBI had a SECRET investigation into Trump/Russia collusion. Secret courts + secret warrants against politically controversial people = OUTRIGHT TYRRANY!!!

ABOLISH ALL SECRET COURTS! ABOLISH SECRET INVESTIGATIONS OF POLITICAL OPPONENTS!

Fire and jail james comey, who has led a rogue political investigation for leftist purposes. Use him as an example that WE THE PEOPLE still run this nation. Not secret courts and secret investigations!!!

 

Sexbots for the Troops

We at Groin strongly feel that our military deserves to have very high standards of living. Our troops put their lives and limbs on the line, disabling land-mines, jumping out of planes, and maintaining dangerous checkpoints throughout the world. It is only natural that those who are in harms way deserve some of the creature comforts of life while they are away from home. Battle is stressful, and being in the military is likely hard for spouses who are away from each other while at war. Latey, there have been lots of negative headlines regarding troops and sexual misconduct. There is a Marines photo quasi sex harassment case on the one hand:

Instagram is the latest nexus of the Marines photo sharing scandal

And reports of increased sex assaults at military academies also coming out:

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sexual-assaults-increased-two-three-military-academies-n733966

All of this reflects badly on our nation. There is a simple answer though. The answer is sexbots. And before you say, “that’s ridiculous’ – consider the fact that the word hooker originated from General Hooker, a Northern General who brought a band of whores while en route to battle. The purpose was to reward his troops, keep morale up, and keep the troops more focused on battle instead of jostling for girlfriends. So there is historical precedent.

Sexbots would have the added benefits of these sex harassment and assault claims going way down. That would be beneficial to the overall image and morale of the troops. Meanwhile the troops would not technically be cheating on their spouses while away, nor spreading STD’s. We, the staff at Groin.com, urgently and humbly request that the Pentagon authorize discretionary spending funds towards the creation of the world most advanced fleet of sexbots. This must be done as soon as possible. USA cannot lose its technical edge and must harness all the nation’s creative powers, including the best minds at Northrop, Raytheon, and the like, to step boldly in the 21st century – and to start providing quality sexbots to our boys in the armed forces at the soonest possible date.

More Dystopian Cinema

Love him or hate him, Donald Trump has irrevocably altered the American political landscape. That can clearly be seen in two new low-budget horror films, Roger Corman’s “Death Race 2050” and Greg McLean’s “The Belko Experiment.” Although neither of these films is a cinematic masterpiece, they are both worth seeing because they perfectly show the fractured political landscape America is in right now.

“Death Race 2050” shows how we live in a very violent society presided over by a very strange man (Malcolm McDowell at his most outrisageous) who resembles Donald Trump. In the society portrayed in the film, nothing seems to matter except getting good kills. The film brings back the Frankenstein driver character from “Death Race 2000” as well as the dystopian future where nothing matters except hedonism and violence. The film attempts to make its low budget a virtue with deliberately cheesy special FX, but the concept of a deadly car chase is what works particularly well here. The point seems to be that our society is headed in a more nihilistic direction, and it is a point I do not disagree with. The film is new to DVD and Blu ray and is streaming on Netflix.

“The Belko Experiment,” which just opened in theaters., is written and produced by James Gunn, who gave us “Guardians of the Galaxy” and “Slither.” The director gave us the “Wolf Creek” films. This film is about American employees at a corporation in Colombia who get locked into their workplace and forced into the ultimate corundum: kill or die. The film is about how the previously friendly employees at the corporation deal with the fact that to survive, they will apparently have to kill each other. This film is more disturbing than most horror films because:

1. The reasons for this deadly corporate psychological experiment are never explained.
2. The most likeable characters generally die first. I particularly felt bad for the black security guard who ends up getting killed for doing his job of holding onto the keys to the armory. Rarely have I seen a more likeable character bite the dust in a horror film.

This film will be criticized for being too cynical and having no apparent point, but in fact it shows the arbitrary divisions that are springing up between us in America right now, and how violence is being shown as a solution to our problems in some parts of our society. If you doubt this, look at the vitriol on both sides of the political aisle right now. This film shows us that we need to be careful before signing our rights away to a corporation (or, for that matter, the government) because the people in charge cannot be trusted.

These films will be regarded as exploitative trash by most people, but I found them to be well worth watching. They both show the consequences of a violence-obsessed society. I recommend them as good beer-drinking drive-in movies and as food for thought. Until next time… –CoolAC

Crop Circle Linguistics

Crop circles are actually advanced binary codes, more advanced than anything humans have. Either that or they are markers for interplanetary time-travelers. This, according to a UC trained chemist named Dr. Horace Drew, who presented his thesis at a recent conference in Australia.

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/article/scientist-claims-to-have-decoded-crop-circles/

Examples of translations the scientist gave from crop circles included simple concepts, “Much pain but still time. Believe. There is good out there,” or “beware the bearers of false gifts and their broken promises.” “Also, friends don’t let friends vote Democrat” and ‘Rough day – lets get drunk”. Its suggested the aliens are more-or-less talking down to us humans, and trying to communicate basic ideas we could have in common.

I LOVE VAMPIRELLA

Forget Spiderman and The Incredible Hulk and Thor Forget Wonder Woman. PLEASE forget Elektra and Catwoman. The comic book character we need to see on the big screen is Vampirella. Sexy, brave, and mean, she is everything that most of the comic book heroes and heroines are not. When will Vampirella get her due?

One person who obviously agrees with me about this is Roger Corman, who gave us a cheap but surprisingly decent and sexy film of the comic in 1996. Made for just $1,000,000, the film gave us Bond girl Talisa Soto as Vampirella, and the Who singer-songwriter Roger Daltrey as Vlad. The story, while impossible to take seriously, is OK. It’s an origin story with Vampirella and Vlad landing on Earth. She refuses to join the traditional vampires of Earth, while he revels in vampire glory and performs a song. They have major chemistry together, but he is her enemy. Basically, Vampirella is a misunderstood, tough, loveable woman, and every horny teenager’s wet dream.

This film was made on the cheap, but it’s pretty good. The acting is better than you’d expect, and, if you don’t mind stock footage from “Galaxy of Terror” being used, the production values are OK. It’s much better than Corman’s infamous, unreleased “Fantastic Four” movie. And Talisa Soto is HOT!

Please, Hollywood, give us a big-budget Vampirella movie. She’s a great character and her story deserves to be told. Until then, watch the 1996 film “Vampirella”, since it’s a sexy, fun movie. And please boycott the Wonder Woman move; it looks lame.

Analog Clocks Will Die

Society is getting dumber.  My first job was as a watch repairman for J.C. Penny – not J.C. Penney (which demonstrates the Mandela effect). These days, most kids cannot read a clock:

http://kfor.com/2017/03/12/study-4-in-5-oklahoma-city-students-cant-read-clocks/

This is due to too much internet and phone trolling. My generation did not need them. However, in the past 20 years most parents got their kids cell phones out of paranoid  concepts that some weirdo wants to steal their kid away. So they spent $600 a year on some phone that constantly gets splashed or dropped until broken. And meanwhile their kids are growing up to be indoctrinated leftist morons who cannot even read a simple clock. Analog clocks will be gone in 30 years at this pace.

Female Tinder-Trolls

To the surprise of many, women are trolling online dating sites equally as much as men are.

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-03-13/women-troll-on-dating-apps-just-as-often-as-men/8349734
In the past, social stigma had been attached online dating. But its doubled or tripled in popularity. Given the fact that CL casual encounters is dominated by males (mostly queers), this recent study on Tinder users was quite stunning. It points to a trend reversal, and a possible decrease in stigma attached to females letting people know that they are ready to get down and dirty.

Lost Space Vessel Found

NASA located an Indian spacecraft (called Chandrayaan-1) which had lost contact back in 2008:

http://gizmodo.com/nasa-just-found-a-lost-spacecraft-orbiting-the-moon-1793137314

This was done using guesses on where it would be, and then microwave and radar signals were sent. This particular satellite was India’s first shuttle to the moon. It had successfully mapped and done some geology prior to having lost contact.

America Needs Steele Justice

This film gets three out of four grenades. Steele Justice is a great Rambo and Missing in Action rip-off.  It is a must-see for every Vietnam action film buff. Martin Kove stars (the Cobra Kai karate instructor from the Karate Kid I and III) as a vet who has never gotten over Nam’. He reencounters the General who ran his POW camp again, who has since become a drug lord. This element adds a trashy Scarface 80s cliché element, enhancing the film.

Kove lacks any really convincing karate moves. Never-the-lesshe does have a badass air to his persona, especially how he manages to wear a nose bandage for most of the film. He treats his women really badly, darkly and comically unable to decide whether to bother saving his wife from the drug lords.

Ironically, Kove has a Vietnamese friend. This is probably in order to avoid the type of controversies the Year of the Dragon encountered at the time with some Asian communities. Its hard to say. Perhaps his friendship was more sincere.  Kove shows his soft side when his Vietnamese buddy dies at the hands of the kingpins, whereupon Kove befriends the  daughter and demonstrates some sincerity.

The highlight of the film is when he shows up (suicidal) to a drug deal gone wrong with a military vehicle and a Gatling gun, and wreaks havoc and destruction upon the enemy. On a side-note, Bernie Casie and Ronny Cox play policemen with their thumbs up their asses.

Sometimes when the law doesn’t care and the bad guys are winning all too often – there must be Steele Justice!!

 

Abolish the Secret Service

A deranged student succeeded in scaling the White House fence and making it almost to where Trump was at the time:

https://www.infowars.com/former-secret-service-agent-warns-trump-not-secure-in-the-white-house/

The student was a graduate of San Jose State University and had been living in his car. He had two cans of mace in his backpack. A former Secret Service agent warned that Trump is not safe from any well organized attack. This marks yet another failed instance of the Secret Service, which failed to protect JFK and Reagan. At this point, it is clear that the White House perimeter is under-secured.

What needs to be done is to put the Marines in charge of defending the gates to the WH. They are already charged with protecting US embassies abroad, and are better equipped to deal with today’s threats in terms of preventing people that shouldn’t be on the grounds. They would also be a much more intimidating deterrent to the average intruder.