Cherry 2000 Is the Future

One of the best films about androids is one that flew in under the radar, 1987’s “Cherry 2000.” This unheralded gem is about a man (David Andrews) who loves his devoted android girlfriend, a Cherry 2000 (played by the stunning Pamela Gidley). When she is accidentally destroyed due to exposure to water, he will stop at nothing to seek out another one. The newer models of droids, you see, are inferior, and sex between humans is a litigious mess (as Larry Fishburne shows us in a cameo as a lawyer). He ends up having to cross a desert wasteland to find one, with the help of sexy tracker-bounty hunter Melanie Griffith, and doing battle with such desert vagrants as GROIN Hall of Famers Tim Thomerson and Brion James. Will he find a Cherry 2000? Will he get it on with Melanie Griffith? Tune in and find out!

This film has a lot of things going for it. First of all, the director, Steve DeJarnett, is a visionary who co-wrote “Strange Brew” and wrote and directed the 1989 Anthony Edwards classic “Miracle Mile.” Secondly, the score by Basil Poledouris ranks as one of his best. Thirdly, there is a ton of action and some PG-13 sex. Fourth, Pamela Gidley and Melanie Griffith are very sexy and deliver good performances. Lastly, the plot seems to genuinely reflect the way things are going in the future. This film, unbelievably, went straight-to-VHS but quickly acquired a cult following when HBO showed it 24-7. It made a big impact on this reviewer as a child, and I like it even more today. Perhaps a remake is in order. In the meantime, I recommend you pick this flick up on DVD or Blu-ray, because it’s a great one!

Sexbots Need Robo-Pimps

Now that sexbots have started catching on at brothels in Austria, the time has come to have robotic pimps to keep the customers in line. http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/633323/sex-robot-prostitutes-brothel-more-popular-real-girls-Vienna-Austria

Sexbots are really expensive, and there are so many laws on the books against a righteous pimp beating up a john to protect a good ho. The time has come for robotic pimps to give a firm backhand slap to those type of customers who will put out a cigarette using the bot as an ashtray. This will allow brothels to escape some of the liability involved with protecting the bots from misuse, and will also allow scientists to study how the sexbots and robopimps interact. The early days of robotic social anthropology will emerge, and we will learn a lot about robots. The robopimps can be equipped with body cams by TasR corporation, and the beat-downs of bad customers can be uploaded to social media for public shaming. The whole thing should be quite a hoot!

On a side-note, many are wondering why the customers in Austria are choosing the sexbot over the human prostitutes. I have been to a brothel in Austria and I know why! It is because the sexbot does not upsell. You pay $80 for a half hour and that is that! With the hookers, they constantly upsell, meaning they might stop part way through and start jacking the price up on you. My experience at a brothel in Austria was that for $30 I got one beer and a weak ass lap-dance. For sex they wanted like $200. No thanks!

Kid Rock Possible Senate Run

Kid Rock is mulling a possible Senate run. http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-07-27/kid-rock-seriously-considering-senate-bid-polls-show-he-can-win

He announced he was interested in running a few weeks ago. It was just a publicity stunt. However , polls came in showing he would beat the incumbent Michigan Dem. by 4 points or so. So now he is forming a non-profit org. to register voters and raise funds for a pack.

I caught his show in Salinas a few weeks back. Was surprisingly good. The whole crowd was raucous and making out. Some college girl flashed her vagina, and another lady in a bikini was draped in a US flag (quite an audience!). Rock mixed southern styled rock, 80s rap, and trashy late 80s sleaze rock in a long set that included a DJ, pyrotechnics, r and b dancing, and more. Also tickets were only $20.

Support House Resolution 446

NATURE OF A SUBSTITUTE FOR H RES 446 OFFERED BY MR GAETZ OF FLORIDA
Strike all that follows after the resolving clause and insert the following:

That the President is requested, and the Attorney General of the United States is directed to transmit, respectively (in a manner appropriate to classified information, if the President or Attorney General determines appropriate), to the House of Representatives, not later than 14 days after the date of the adoption of this resolution, copies of any document, record, audio recording, memo, correspondence, or other communication in their possessions, or any portion of any such communication, that refers or relates to the following:

1) Then-Attorney General Loretta Lynch directing James B. Comey to mislead the American people by stating that he should refer to the investigation into the mishandling of classified data and use of an unauthorized email server by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton as a “matter, ” rather than a criminal “investigation.”

2) Leaks by James B. Comey to Columbia University law professor, Daniel Richman, regarding conversations had between President Trump and then-FBI Director James B. Comey, and how the leaked information was purposefully released to lead to the appointment of special counsel, Robert Mueller, a longtime friend of James B. Comey;

3) The propriety and consequence of immunity deals given to possible Hillary Clinton co-conspirators Sheryl Mills, Heather Samuelson, John Bentel, and potentially others, by the Federal Bureau of Investigation, during the criminal investigation James B. Comey led into Hillary Clinton’s misconduct;

4) The decision by James B. Comey to usurp the authority of then-Attorney General Loretta Lynch in his unusual announcement that criminal charges would not be brought against Hillary Clinton following her unlawful use of a private email server and mishandling of classified information.

5) James B. Comey’s knowledge and impressions of ex-parte conversation between then-Attorney General Loretta Lynch and former President Bill Clinton on June 27, 2016, at a Phoenix airport on a private jet;

6) James B. Comey’s knowledge of the company ‘Fusion GPS, ‘ including its creation of a “dossier” of information about Mr. Trump; that dossier’s commission and dissemination in the months before and after the 2016 Presidential Election; the intelligence sources of Fusion GPS or any person or company working for Fusion GPS or its affiliates;

7) Any and all potential leaks originated by James B. Comey and provided to author Michael Schmidt dating back to 1993;

8) James B. Comey’s knowledge of the purchase of a majority stake in the company Uranium One by the company Rosatom; whether the approval of the sale was connected to any donations made to the Clinton Foundation; what role then-Secretary of State, Ms. Hillary Clinton, played in the approval of that sale, and whether the sale could have affected the national security of the United States of America;

9) James B. Comey’s refusal to investigate then Secretary of State Hiliary Clinton:

a. Selling access to the U.S. State Department through Clinton Foundation donations
b. Huma Abedin’s duel employment at the State Department and the Clinton Foundation simultaneously
c. Utilization of the State Department to further paid speaking opportunities for her husband

10) Any collusion between Former FBI Director James B. Comey and special counsel Robert Mueller; including but not limited to:

a. The information Comey admitted to leaking to the Columbia University law professor, being intentional such that a special counsel, his longtime friend, Robert Mueller, would be appointed to lead the investigation against the Trump administration; and

b. Any communication between Muller and Comey in advance of the Senate Intelligence Committee hearing.

11) Whether James B. Comey had any knowledge of efforts made by any federal agency to monitor communications of then-candidate Donald Trump, and to assess any knowledge by Mr. James B. Comey about the “unmasking” of individuals on Donald Trump’s campaign team, transition team, or both; to assess the role that former National Security Adviser Ms. Susan Rice played in the unmasking of these individuals; to reveal the purpose served by unmasking any individual or individuals serving on the staff of then-candidate Donald Trump; the dissemination of unredacted information to various intelligence agencies, and any attempts by to use surveillance of then-candidate Trump for the purposes of damaging the credibility of his campaign, his presidency, or both.

Now its later in the day and the Judiciary Committee passed it 16-13 and it moves toward the full house I am hoping! The fishy Lynch/ Comey meetings regarding clearing Hilary seem to be the main focus:

https://www.infowars.com/house-judiciary-committee-officially-approves-effort-to-launch-investigation-of-comey-lynch/

New Atari System

There is a brand new Atari game console system on the way. https://www.forbes.com/sites/davidthier/2017/07/17/weve-seen-ataris-new-ataribox-console-and-its-more-confusing-than-ever/#71b30252d448

It will have a mix of new and old classic Atari games. It has hdmi slots, USB card slots, SD card, and ethernets. The design is a combo of modern and retro , like Videodrome or something. Possibly it runs on Android or Windows. The company itself isn’t divulging that much about it at moment , but we will keep you posted. The local video game store clerk had not heard about it, so its kind of under the radar.

Silver-Based Undergarments

Silver-based undergarments are on the way. http://www.thedailybeast.com/underwear-engineered-with-real-silver

 

Tests (and testies) are showing the actual silver AG keeps underwear cooler. I bet they will also find that it has antibacterial qualities that would be good for athletes in endurance sports. This trend in underwear could benefit the silver industry if it catches on enough, and make up for the lack of demand in silver caused by the decline in solar panel sales. I am wondering how much a pair will cost.

Lets face it, underwear is too fucking tightly made ever since the factories moved to China. and you can’t return them (like socks)- to where the whole damn industry is a racket, and many men are not even wearing them anymore.

Mr. No Legs Wrecks House

Tired of lame Hollywood action films? How about “feel-good” Hollywood films about disability? If you said yes to either of these questions, I’ve got a movie with you. “The Amazing Mr. No Legs,” aka “Mr. No Legs,” is a very low-budget but nevertheless satisfying film about a gritty, tough double-amputee crime boss who knows martial arts and gives the cops fits. Such actors as Richard Jaeckel and John Agar are helpless against our villain, played by Ron Slinker. Basically, the film is a showcase to show that a disabled guy can be just as badass as Bruce Lee.

In this film the star actually was a bi-amputee. That doesn’t stop him from doing flying jump kicks in slow motion from his wheelchair. The star takes the role seriously and seems to have tried to develop an actual martial arts fighting system which a bi-amputee can utilize. It is mostly based off of forearm strikes and blocks, while making Bruce Lee ‘waaa!’ type sounds. The lead is an inspiration to people everywhere, that there is never any excuse for not kicking complete ass! Sure, this guy could have stayed homed collecting disability. That would be way too easy though. Instead, our hero becomes a hit man for the mob. Even that is not a tough enough assignment for him. So he takes on the mob directly.

The production values are poverty row but it doesn’t matter. Quentin Tarantino needs to remake this film as soon as possible. Both the film and Ron Slinker are headed straight for the GROIN hall of fame, and this hard-to-find film is a must-watch. Go, Mr. No Legs, go!

Rasputin Imperial Stout is Primo

I was at a bottle place in Salinas the other day and someone was kind enough to order me an Old Rasputin beer off the tap at the brewery beside the movie theatre I was chillin at. ‘You gotta try it man!’ This Russian Imperial Stout beer from Northern California has a pleasing taste, sweet and gingery. At 9.0 percent, this beer made me very buzzed and happy. Its dark!

I saw “War for the Planet of the Apes” today, and it definitely lived up to the title. There was indeed a ton of action, and it rates as something of a must-see as it could be the last of the series. Admittedly, it was a little slow to get going, but once Woody Harrelson shows up as a cross between Trump and Hitler, I was totally into it. This flick is a gigantic epic that should be seen by all fans of the series. The action and special effects are excellent! So prepare to beat your chest and make ape noises, because “War for the Planet of the Apes” is the shit!

Jamaica Red Ale is actually a Stout or IPA

6.6 percent alcohol.

Raggae music sucks. My girl lives near the Fairgrounds and I hear their raggae concert annually. The music sucks and has like 2 chords. Now the modern music in Jamaica is way better. The rhythms are way more (modern) sophisticated and interesting. The vocals much less predictable and about twice as fast/ nuanced. It is music to bang/bling to over there, not to act like some 60’s Goodwill refuge who listens to Ben Harper/Phish on the side.

What about Jamaican beer? The common one, Red Stripe, is overrated and tangy. It does have cool packaging.

Stoner culture and the legalization of weed in California and other states has resulted in a brain-dead popularity of Jamaican culture by the American masses, who are stuck in a romanticized but boring era of Bob Marley. This beer is something I buy while stoned and sick of the other brands there (which rule) such as Holland’s Grolsch (lager). I have been to the Grolsch brewery in Holland by the way.

Jamaican Ale is advertised as a red. But its actually bitter and full , deep hops like an IPA. Hints of pinecone permeate the palate. Chocolate malts perhaps too. For a red drink Murphey’s or Killians Irish brands. Look for Aussie or S. African girls on vacation at that pub of you are in foreign lands and be aggressive.

Pale Ales are also sometimes mis-advertised.  Sierra Nevada is not a Pale Ale, it is too bitter. Bass is a true Pale Ale.

Would I recommend this beer Jamaican Ale? Yes, but as a stout or an IPA – not a ‘red’.

 

D.C. Cab is a Riot

Unlike today’s comedies which tend to be juvenile and mean-spirited, Joel Schumacher’s 1984 comedy “D.C. Cab” is genuinely funny and a quick-witted affair.  Although unheralded at the time, this flick about a struggling cab company has matured into comic gold.  Starring Mr. T, Gary Busey, Paul Rodriguez. and Adam Baldwin, this film has very little plot but nonstop madcap antics.  Although well-deserving of its R rating, the film is never sexist or disgusting.

Additionally, all the stars deserved better than they got; the film is much funnier than the current Will Ferrell comedy “The House,” for example.  In this film and the classic “Car Wash,” which he also wrote but did not direct, Schumacher displays a real skill for ethnic humor.  He knows that plot is unimportant but a quick pace and constant jokes are key.  Based on this film, it is borderline tragic that Mr. T. didn’t get better roles.  He is great here.  This film seems to lack the cult following it deserves, so we here at GROIN are putting it in our hall-of-fame as one of the greatest comedies of the 1980’s. We recommend renting it or buying the DVD today!