Sexbots for the Disabled

We always hear a lot about discrimination against women, minorities, and the LGBT community. All well and good, but what about disabled people? They face discrimination in the workplace, dating, at school, and even at restaurants. And what do they get in return? They get a monthly stipend and a lot of bogus sympathy. That’s why we here at GROIN are proposing this solution: free sexbots for disabled people.

Think about it: who has a more difficult time getting laid than disabled people? Sexbots could be exciting for disabled people and at the same time helpthem stay healthy and physically fit. Getting rejected at the bar? No problem, you’ve got a sexbot to come home to. Tired of just being friends? Well, your new sexbot will take care of your needs.

Of course we realize that many people will be outraged by this suggestion. To which we say: when was the last time you’ve helped a disabled person get laid? This solution will help cure depression and will help mitigate the ups and downs that disabled people go through.

Free sexbots for disabled people now! Disabled lives matter. CoolAC

Ghost in the Shell is Deep

I thought I knew what to expect from “Ghost in the Shell.” I assumed it would have great visuals and a mindless plot. I was right about the visuals. Although the futuristic city portrayed in the film looks a little too close to “Blade Runner,” overall the film is convincing and occasionally mind-blowing in terms of its visual impact. The surprise about the new film is that director Rupert Sanders has a story to tell, and tells it well. What would it be like to be an android (or, actually, a cyborg) with no body to call your own and memories you can’t trust? This film tells you.

I was very impressed with the cast that this film put together. It is true that Scarlett Johannson is rather miscast as the heroine, but this is only because her character is supposed to be Asian. She should have asked for rewrites to tailor the part more to her. However, “Beat” Takeshi Kitano (the Japanese action star), Juliette Binoche, and Michael Pitt are excellent in their roles.

The film is getting a lot of flack for supposedly “whitewashing” Japanese material. On the contrary, the film is very respectful to the magna and anime series, and to such a degree that I’m rather stunned. The scenes where the protagonist discovers the truth about herself are rather affecting. This film succeeds in capturing the essence of the film series, and I would not mind a sequel to this film. If you like science fiction and especially if you like anime, check it out! – CoolAC

Robot Marriage

A man in China has married his robot, after getting frustrated trying to find a girlfriend. He carried his wife to the ceremony, where she wore a traditional red veil. I kind of like that the man took a very practical approach to why he married her. At this point she says a few simple phrases, but cannot walk. The husband does plan many upgrades. robot-after-failing-find-human-wife

Catch Her Cheating

A couple in Kenya literally got STUCK while having sex in the spoon position.

What happened is that this couple were a pair of cheaters, and the cuckold husband used a magic potion on his victims (known in the USA as Super Glue). I bet he found the lube she was using and mixed it in there. Anyhow, this couple got stuck while fucking and so they called for help. Naturally when you yell, “Help me – my dick’s stuck!!!” at the top of your lungs you will draw a crowd. The crowd wound up parading/passing the couple through the streets to the hospital. The crowds gawked. The damsel cowered. And the guy with his dick stuck seemed to enjoy the attention.

Cop Car

Currently showing on HBO and available on Blu-Ray and DVD, “Cop Car” is a terrific thriller that you probably haven’t heard about or seen. It’s about two child runaways who find an abandoned cop car in a remote location. They decide to break into it, explore, and take it on a joy ride. Little do they know that someone’s in the trunk, and that corrupt cop Kevin Bacon will do anything to get his car back.

The first thing I noticed about this film is how well it portrays children; the kids seem like real kids. Between saying swear words for the first time and being totally unaware of the danger of driving an apparently empty car, their naivety is stunning and believable. Secondly, Kevin Bacon’s performance is one of his very best. He doesn’t overact. and so he creates suspense about how dangerous he is. The third thing is how well-crafted this film is; it takes a simple scenario and creates a Hitchcockian level of suspense around it.

In short, “Cop Car” is a great thriller that is well worth your time. The performances are great and the suspense is real. Don’t miss it! –CoolAC

Comin’ At Ya!

How do you feel about 3D? For me, it’s a decided “meh.” Some films, such as “Prometheus” and “Tron: Legacy,” benefit from the process, while others, like “Pete’s Dragon,” just use it as a gimmick. Forget about “Avatar,” which had great 3D effects but an uninvolving story. If you want to have real fun, go to one of the granddaddys of 3D films, 1981’s “Comin’ At Ya!”

The film, which is available on DVD and Blu-ray in 2D and 3D, is a Spanish take on the spaghetti western starring Tony Anthony, a very poor man’s Clint Eastwood, and Victoria Abril, who went on to star in several Almodovar films. The plot is simple: Anthony’s fiancée (Abril) is kidnapped by a no0good villain (Gene Quintano) on their wedding day. To get her back and get revenge our hero must spring into action. Although this is a thin plot, I find it superior to other 3D films that followed in the ’80’s like “Jaws 3D.” However, the excellent music score and the inventive action really make the film stand out.

Although I do not have access to the 3D version, I was charmed by all the objects thrown at the screen (often in slow motion) such as snakes, rats, bullets confetti, other weapons, explosions, etc. The acting is pretty decent too and the film delivers non-stop action. Is this a great film? No, but it’s better than a lot of Hollywood’s westerns like last year’s “The Magnificent Seven.” It’s not terribly expensive to buy, so I’m recommending a purchase. It’s a good film to sit back and watch with friends, beer, and weed. If you want to have a good time, check out “Comin’ At Ya!” It’s a unique experience! –CoolAC

The New Front

Leftist militants are taking up arms while letting it be known that they plan to sabotage US pipelines. Guerilla warfare is the plan, they say:

In honor of the controversy surrounding the Keystone Pipeline and the plans of environmental activists to use guerrilla warfare tactics to stop building of the pipeline, we here at groin are proposing a remake of the 1994 Steven Seagal classic “On Deadly Ground.” That film, you may recall, starred Seagal as a half-Native American environmental activist who uses martial arts, guns, and other guerilla warfare tactics to bring Michael Caine and his drilling company in Alaska to their knees. Joan Chen is the love interest,It is notable as possibly the only action film where the villain meets a gruesome death without actually having killed anyone! Another thing I enjoyed about that film was the sheer hypocrisy of the film itself, in terms of the non-stop large scale explosions throughout the film.

For the remake, we will feature crazed leftist radical Shia LaBeouf and, even better, Danny Trejo as the protagonists who will stop either Jon Voight, and, even better, a CGI Charlton Heston. We will hire Oliver Stone to direct and Jessica Alba or Lucy Lui will be the love interest. Look for a special cameo by Quentin Tarantino who will be killed by Jon Voight/CGI Charlton Heston. We will feature techno covers of Basil Poledouris’s classic score and Steven Seagal will have a special cameo as Guido, a irate restaurant owner. This will be way better than that “Fast and the Furious” junk! –CoolAC

That’s a Man, Baby!

Transgender men impersonating women, in order to win wrestling, MMA and weightlifting competitions, is sweeping the nation. The result is that actual women are being CRUSHED by men in women’s sports. Some people have said this has also been the case in women’s tennis for a long time, with two sisters dominating that sports who have the bodies of NFL linebackers. Lib females brought about the sexual revolution. Now that the rooster has come home to nest, they are reaping what they have sewn. Boo-hoo! :

Build the Wall… FOR FREE

The Wall can be built with a combination of volunteers (headed by Hicks United), plus forced prison laborers. This will bring labor costs down significantly. For some background: does not just offer commentary. We also offer solutions to the grandiose problems that fester in America’s soul. By having elected Trump, the public has voted to build a wall between the US and Mexico. Deficit hawks are against the idea, since they think the Treasury cannot afford such a wall. One idea when you want to do something you cannot afford, is to force other people to do the labor for free. This is what the US has done with its prison system to the tune of about $2 billion per year, and here is a site that proves it:

A wall is a necessary first step towards reestablishing control over who comes in and out of the country. Personally, all the Mexicans I knew in California were honest and hard-working people. My dad is a doctor, who tells me what is going on in the hospitals today. In terms of immigration my two issues are 1) too much publicly funded hospital care for indigent immigrants. Partly seems due to Catholicism, possibly part due to anchor baby status. 2) Concerns about gangs from El Salvador for example, who pass through Mexico. Building a wall between the US and Mexico can help with both of these problems. It is my opinion that we should focus on building the wall, and rather than purging honest, hardworking Mexicans who have lived in the country for a long time.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could all stand in solidarity, and build that wall together??? Whether forced as prison inmates, or as America-loving volunteers – lets roast some corn, throw on some barbeque chicken. Get some Millers, and some Tecate’s goin’ and some Oysters with Taptio sauce on the grill. Lets throw some horseshoes and light off some fireworks to celebrate the commencement of our great wall…

Cellular Sperm Testing

A company has invented a cheap $5 cell phone test which measures the potency of sperm:

They 3d printed a case that goes around the phone, plus a small chip that you bust a nut in. After you bust, the chip inserts on the top frame of the device, and a Google app takes super fast pictures of the sperms swimming, thereby measuring the potency of the sperm. Knowing how modern women are, this will probably all become one more intrusive thing (like STD tests) guys are forced to do for their chick, when they are first seeking approval. But at least this is cheap and can be done without going to a lab. You would think this would be useful for couples trying to see why the bitch hasn’t gotten knocked up yet. But if you banged her 100 times and busted in her , and there is no sign of a baby yet – then maybe you should assume you don’t have the most potent sperm in the world. Anyhow, in modernity we need an app for everything supposedly. So I would grade this as progress overall for the consumer, since its cheap and simple to do on your own. I do get sick of women testing their partners for everything under the sun, as well as the concept of test tube babies. Eugenics is lame, even if done in the modern liberal context, rather than a statist one.