Kidnap : Soccer Mom Fury

Usually when I go to see a Halle Berry starring role film, I am just hoping to see some tits. Usually I don’t get to see any tits, and going into this – yes I had a hunch this movie might stink. So I went next door to the pub and had a 9 percent Imperial Stout first and told the ticket seller I was hoping to make it through the whole film but was had my doubts it would be possible. I was surprised though. Kidnap is better than you would think. Here’s the short version of plot, its not that complicated, so see if you can follow. You will see why its not going to be Oscar nominated, though it may win some razzies:

a) man steals kid b) mom chases man to get kid back c) mom kills perps. one by one and takes kid back.

Not to be redundant but for more insight, here is the long version of the plot:

Someone messes with her kid, trying to kidnap him. Halle Berry goes vigilante style on the white trash couple perps in her red mini-van. The whole movie is basically one big long high-way cat-and-mouse car chase. It compares to a badass black momma version of Taken. Get drunk and go see it!

 

Everything is Staged

It is alarming that there are these big PR companies that stage crowds for events. How do we know that the big crowds at the rallies like the fatal Virginia one that just happened are not hired guns? Below here is an example of a company hiring fake crowd just three hours away from where this last tragedy occurred:

 

charlotte >

jobs >

tv/film/video/radio

post
account

102 hidden

reply
x prohibited[?]
Posted 8 days ago

print

favorite this post Actors and Photographers Wanted in Charlotte hide this posting

compensation: $25+/hour
employment type: contract

Crowds on Demand, a Los Angeles-based Public Relations firm specializing in innovative events, is looking for enthusiastic actors and photographers in the Charlotte, NC area to participate in our events. Our events include everything from rallies to protests to corporate PR stunts to celebrity scenes. The biggest qualification is enthusiasm, a “can-do” spirit. Pay will vary by event but typically is $25+ per hour plus reimbursements for gas/parking/Uber/public transit.

For more information about us, please visit www.crowdsondemand.com

If you’re interested in working with us, please reply to this posting with the following info:

-Full Name
-Prior relevant experience (as an actor/performer, photographer, brand ambassador, political activist, etc)
-When are you usually available for work?
-Resume (optional)
-If you’re a photographer, what equipment do you use?
-Are you ok with participating in peaceful protests (optional)?
•Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
•do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 6253305119

posted: 8 days ago

email to friend

♥ best of [?]

Anabelle Sucks

 

OK, so the original “Annabelle” sucked pond water, but “Annabelle: Creation” got good reviews, so I decided to check out. It fucking sucks too! With a lame poster like this, who could go wrong:

They could not think of a better cliché , so instead the opening scenes were the only good scenes in the picture, as they detail the sad (and based on fact) story of a family that has a tragic accident involving a little girl named Annabelle. Where have I seen this before? Well like a thousand other movies (because its supposedly based on a true thing!). Well -so far, so good. But then we get this “Little Orphan Annie” bullshit about the bereaved family letting an orphanage of little Catholoc girls shack up in their luxurious (and creepy) estate which makes no sense. We also get a plot that exploits the disability (polio) of a little girl, including a creepy lift to the upstairs of the house. The little girl unlocks a door she’s not supposed to and soon the jump scares and “Exorcist” and “Conjuring” rip-offs begin. At no point is the orphanage, led by a nun who’s not very bright, ready to pack up and leave despite many terrible things happening. Geez. What’s wrong with the nuns these days??

If you’ve been following this review, you’ll notice that this film is not content with putting little girls in jeopardy, but has decided to double down and put a little disabled girl in jeopardy. Its a movie about whatever it will take to fill seats and sell popcorn basically. After a while, it becomes simply a succession of jump scares. You can go take a leak at any point in this film and you won’t miss anything. Go refill that $7 soda. When this happened, the packed audience became more entertaining than the movie. Dozens of cries of “aw hell no!” as well as predictions of what was going to happen provided the entertainment the film itself was lacking. It was one of those crowds where there is a really low IQ going on, and you have to duck and hide on the way out.

So although the film is slightly better than the first “Annabelle,” it still comes down on pandering to the audience rather than telling a good story. Its like sex with a fat chick, not very good!

Horror fans are advised to skip it and wait for “Stephen King’s It,” which generated more creepiness and atmosphere in a two-minute clip before the film than both “Annabelle” films combined. I have no idea why the crowd applauded loudly at the end. My cash would have been better spent at the racetrack frankly.

‘Try and Buy’ Sexbot

Samantha is on sale for 3000 British pounds. Besides a great rack, she has a memory, based off SD cards, which enhances her personality. You can take her out for a test drive before you purchase her! (Makes you wonder if she’s sanitary! ha…) Her skin feels kinda real they say, and doesn’t smell like plastic , but rather realistic. She has pressure point nerves where she is sensitive. You have to do foreplay. And believe it or not – yes she can cum!

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/636722/sex-robot-on-sale-britain-covent-garden-london-synthea-amatus 

Born American Kinda Sucks

Sticking out in the VHS section at the local Goodwill was this film: “Born American,” from 1986, directed by Renny Harlin. Renny Harlin, if you didn’t know, is from Finland and has directed good films like “Die Hard 2” and “Cliffhanger” and bad ones like “The Covenant” and “Driven,” and married Geena Davis for a time. This film seemed to have a great plot: 3 Americans, led by Mike Norris (Chuck’s son) foolishly cross into the Russian border from Finland. There they cause some mayhem and are captured and soon imprisoned.

The film starts out awesome, with lots of tension and explosions. I though I was in for another Red Dawn masterpiece. However, once the action moves to a Russian prison, the film dies. The prison is a singularly unpleasant place and none of the actors has enough screen presence to make us care and want to finish the film. That’s too bad, because the premise had real possibilities and you would think the director could pull it off. Instead, it’s his worst film. This is one bad 1980’s action movie to be avoided, unless you’re looking to remake it using the admittedly gripping plotline. And yes, Mike Norris is a terrible actor, but you probably guessed that already. The bright side is that this movie once again shows that Americans never submit or give up. And that even Chuck Norris’s brother can kick commie scum ass! And to this film’s credit, at least Bill Murray’s younger brother was not cast in this too (Moving Violations was even worse!).

Instant Justice = Instant Fun

Ready for an hilarious bad action movie experience? Check out “Instant Justice” starring Michael Pare and Tommy Kiitaen. Neither of these actors need a huge introduction because Pare starred in “Eddie and the Cruisers,” “Streets of Fire,” “The Philadelphia Experiment,” and “Bad Moon,” while Kitaen was in “Bachelor Party” and “Witchboard.” Pare plays a Marine named Younglood (shades of the Rob Lowe classic from around the same time) whose sister is killed as part of a modeling/prostitution scam run by drug dealers.

Pare infiltrates the criminal underworld in the movie and will stop at nothing to avenge his sister’s death. Tawny Kitaen plays the love interest and potential victim, who apparently showers fully clothed and wants to run off with Youngblood if he’ll stop thinking about vengeance. All of this involves all little gratuitous nudity (not Tawny), drug use, car chases, shootouts, and bad acting. Pare is a poor man’s Stallone, but he has his moments, Tawny is hot with priceless bad ’80’s hair, but she’s not a great actress. The director used a fake name and was never heard from again. This film is definitely so-bad-it’s-good.If you enjoy bad ’80’s action, be sure to get “Instant Justice” from 1986 on VHS!

Hard Rain = Hard Sell

Lets face it. Hard rain was a hard sell then and its still a hard sell now. This movie had a shitload of rain to where Seattle was flooded New Orleans style. You wind up with everybody fighting over loot, while jet skiing around with sawed off shot guns. Christian Slater, a real life gun nut, was cast perfectly in this film. Morgan Freeman opens up a can of whoop ass instead of acting like he fucking knows everything. The best scene is where they pop up from under water simultaneously in slow motion to action shotgun kill Randy Quaid.

At Groin we have to appreciate any moment that rips of the end of Chuck Norris in Missing in Action where he pops out from the water and machine guns everyone to death in slow motion. That moment has always been an inspiration to red-blooded testosterone fueled Americans, as they kick ass worldwide!

Now you are probably thinking: Why the hell did he watch that in the first place? Easy answer! I was reading an old copy of ‘Bad MoFO’ magazine and the guy panned it hard. So I asked my brother if he had seen it. The next day I was at the pawn shop in the ghetto here and I saw a copy of it on VHS and I knew that it was meant to be my copy! Alas, it was destiny. The pawn shop clerk endowed to me a free copy of this God-forsaken flick. Probably because he knew they paid like 10c for it and no one in their right mind would even want it, and this therefor represented the pawn shops one and only chance to be rid of this dust mite infested plastic, cardboard, and analog film relic.

This movie requires a 12 pack of cruddy beer and lots of beer nuts to get through. The whole movie has kind of a moldy, mildew, wet sulky feel to it. You will feel like drying off your shoes and flannel over-shirt. This movie honestly kinda still sucks compared to Michael Douglass’s Black Rain. But that’s just mostly cause the motorcycle decapitation scene in Black Rain (where the Big Trouble in Little China sidekick gets his head lopped off) was so elegant and memorable. Once you have had Purple Rain and Black Rain, you figure you have nothing left to lose by getting drunk and watching Hard Rain. Hell, I will basically watch any movie co-starring Randy Quaid (except for Major League II).

Dark Tower – A Solid Fantasy Film

Our other staff writer underestimated how good this film is. The film adaptation of Stephen King’s Dark tower is a towering masterpiece. Elba is awesome as the gunslinger and takes the role seriously. Also, he does some good dead-pan humor. He plays a fantasy western version of a Knights Templar. His guns were ‘forged from Exacalibur’.

McConaughey is also strong as the man in black, who can be thought of as the false prophet in a Biblical sense. The man in black bears a striking resemblance to the Randall Flagg character in the Stand, another apocalyptic Stephen King masterpiece. Unlike other modern hits like Harry Potter, this movie the Dark Tower warns against the use of occultist magic.

The most obvious occult symbols in the film are the dark tower itself (Tower of Babel/ WTC parallels are obvious from the NYC skyline shots being ominously shown over and over again), and the portal itself (CERN parallels). Just as in the stories Firestarter, there are tons of insinuations to the MK Ultra program (unveiled by the Church committee in the 70s in Congress and the victims were paid reparations), in which the government takes kids who have psychic abilities and abuses them and does experiments on them. In the Dark Tower the government keeps trying to seize the kid character in the film to do just that.

This movie is considered a fantasy. But it is not. It is Stephen King’s coded way of warning us of several things:
a) magic and occultism are dangerous and help to bring about the Anti-Christ (the Man in Black), by opening portals for demons to enter our world through.
b) the government kidnaps and experiments on people who are psychic (Firestarter with Drew Berrymore this occurs throughout the film, also in this film they try and get the kid for his psychic abilities, and its done through mental health or foster care)
c) The falling and rebuilding of the World Trade Center has some sort of strong connection to the occult, and King quite possibly predicted the fall of the Twin Towers in his first volume from 1982.

King started writing in the early 1970’s. At that time there was a strong mistrust of government. From the Gulf of Tonkin, to the Church committee, to Cointelprolo Operation, the government had gone and lied to the public while doing some really evil things. Stephen King clearly picked up on this. Many of his works exhibit an anti government paranoia. Not just Firestarter (where George C. Scott acts super creepy almost sexual intonations towards Drew Berrymore), but in the Dead Zone the Martin Sheen character was set to become a fascist dictator set on nuking the world. Lawnmower Man had ‘the Shop’ too. Or in the Stand, where small pox virus breaks out of a government lab, killing off most of the globe’s population. Only to be saved by the ‘Hand of God’ at the end. Stephen King himself is the visionary, and much of what he warns us about is directly from the bible.

This newest film of Stephen King’s is the clearest indication and proof yet that King believes (and is right) that Christian prophecies are fulfilled beyond anything that could be considered coincidence. The fact that the book dealt with apocalyptic towers in NYC way back in 1982 is a blatant example of how human history and future has been coded into biblical prophecy, and cleverly deciphered, reinterpreted, and laid bare for keen observers of pop culture to use as a tool to heighten their intellectual awareness.

Another notable simulacra throughout the film and the book the characters say ‘I shoot with my mind not my hand’. This echoes Infowars.com slogan ‘there is a war for your mind’ just a little to closely to be coincidence. There is also a line that repeats throughout regarding virtue (or lack thereof) about ‘Having forgotten the face of your father(s)’, which likely relates to the Founding Fathers and how America has abandoned its original principles.  As you watch the film see what examples you can find as a viewer in terms of occultism. They are plentiful.

Traci Lords – B Movie Honoree

An uplifting story in B-movie cinema is Traci Lord’s ascendance from exploited porno actress to legit B and even A-movie star. For example, “Not of this Earth” is a wonderful 1988 cheeseball remake of Roger Corman’s “classic.” It rules. She bares her breasts but also shows strong comedic skills as a nurse who unknowingly works for a space alien who is stealing the “life force” from nubile women. To borrow a quote from a video store I used to frequent in Berkeley in the 1990’s this film is the    “Showgirls” of sci-fi.

The film is so sexy and funny it doesn’t matter that it’s cheap. Jim Wynorski, who also made “Chopping Mall” and “The Return of Swamp Thing,” is an excellent sleazemaster whose films are very entertaining, The film, despite being made for less money than the original, turned out well and received a theatrical release and some decent reviews, leading to a role for Lords in the classic “Cry-Baby” and Stephen King’s “The Tommyknockers.” The 2010 widescreen DVD from Shout! Factory is very good and has commentary by Lords and Wynorski and an interview with Lords.

Another good B-movie starring Lords is “Shock ‘Em Dead,,” a 1990 horror comedy recently released to Blu-ray. It is about a hopeless loser geek who sells his sole to Satan so he can become a metal God. He gets his wish, but discovers he has to kill in order to continue his hedonistic lifestyle. Lords plays the “pure woman” who likes him whom he must seduce to end the curse. Although the film is cheesy, it has a decent plot and the songs are hilarious and pretty good. No longer required to shed her clothes, Lords is appealing in this obscure but underrated gem. Check it out!

Traci Lords is a reminder that a girl can rise from inglorious beginnings and become a movie star and decent actress. These two films are a must for any B-movie fan’s library! Thanks, Traci!

Trump Should Force Debt Default

I suggest Trump threaten to veto the debt ceiling increase and force a national default, since Congress has overspent. This will put the fear of God into Congress. Only if Congress stops these ridiculous politically motivated investigations should he sign a debt ceiling increase. If we cannot have our democratically elected leader, then bring the whole country down financially and start a revolution to begin a fresh , new government – with the old guard and the old deep state arrested or extradited.

And no SS or welfare checks?? Military? If he doesn’t accommodate those, many assume Trump won’t last ’til Christmas.

USA will still have tax revenue. Trump can direct Treasury to defund all welfare, but continue funding the military. Default wouldn’t mean we dont get to borrow (if we so choose) , it would mean our interest rates on the debt would balloon. However I think the debt is a SHAM anyways, and we should refuse to pay it (stick it to the bankers , China, and the Sauds) and issue a new currency, free of Fed and foreign influence. Also, California should be allowed to secede from the Union, since they want a lib utopian state. Texas should probably secede too. The left and right shall not reconcile in our lifetime. Face it!

Then what’s left would be more manageable.

First of all through much of US history we printed our own currency, and it was minted in silver and gold. We do not need to borrow money from our enemies China and Saudi Arabia, nor the Fed. We can simply print our own new currency and abandon the old one. We have done this twice in our history already, the first time was after the Revolutionary War.

Secondly , Trump did not make these insane spending agreements or wars. So it’s not his responsibility to promote them to the point where our grandchildren are enslaved for your debts.

If Congress comes to its senses and stops with all the BS investigations and endless pointless wars in the ME (when NK is set to nuke us meanwhile) and agrees to cut welfare, and stop expanding the evil government in perpetuity – only then Trump should sign to increase the debt ceiling.

Its about LEVERAGE.