Sex through the back door has a reputation for being one-sided: fun for men penetrating, but not for women penetrated. This misconception comes from women who have had bad anal sex experiences, most likely from her man: pressuring her into it, not using enough lube on her, and not going slow enough to minimize her pain while maximizing her pleasure. For anal sex to be good, you both have to want it, be prepared, and trust the penetrator to be careful with your anus to avoid pain, injury, and infection.
Pros of anal sex: better for smaller penises, tighter than a vagina, edge of anus full of sensitive nerve endings, different feel than the vagina, women and men both have anuses, and he can cum inside her without the risk of pregnancy.
Cons of anal sex: may be more uncomfortable than pleasurable, can cause rectal tears and bleeding, can still get STDs (same ones as vaginal sex, plus anal warts and anal cancer), and can also get fecal germs, infections, diarrhea, and bloody stools.
Prep days before:
Men planning to have penetrative sex should: keep up their cardio (like running) to build stamina, keep hydrated (drink water instead of alcohol) to get it up and finish, and refrain from masturbating (in the days before sex) to prevent wearing out and desensitizing the penis.
Women planning to be penetrated anally should: stay hydrated and eat plenty of fiber (like fruits and vegetables) for healthy regular bowel movements (anywhere from every 3 days to 3 times a day), not hold in her poop (to avoid constipation), and not strain when pooping (to avoid causing fissures or small tears in her colon, as well as pushing her colon out).
Ready to start when:
Men should provide: towels (a large one to have sex on, and a small one to wipe away sweat), condoms (same type but use separate ones for anal and vaginal), baby wipes (to clean up his penis and balls), and lube (plenty of it, with a lube shooter/launcher if possible). If no lube, make sure his saliva isn’t contaminated, by cleaning his mouth of sugar and spicy residue, and keep hydrated (drink water).
Women: should not be currently feeling the urge to poop (can have just pooped), so the anal canal should be clear (poop is stored further up the colon, though fecal bacteria are still present throughout). She should have a clean outer butt (just showered, or wiped to the rim clean with water), but can do an enema (if she’s feeling self-conscious about her poop residue, or if he also plans to rim her with his tongue). Like the vagina, no hair waxing is necessary. She should not have any anal bleeding or spotting when she’s about to start anal sex.
General arousal and vagina first:
The woman should be very aroused and relaxed when she’s penetrated. So it helps to start with foreplay, stimulating her clitoris, and entering her vagina to build her up. When she’s ready, then he can start entering her anus.
Warning: just like only wiping your genitals from front to back, you can only go from vagina to anus (never anus to vagina)! Don’t let any finger, sex toy, condom, or penis that has been in the anus enter or even touch the vagina again without first being washed (with warm water and soap) and sanitized (disinfecting sex toys in boiling water). This is because even if you don’t see any poop residue, the anus is full of germs and bacteria that can wreck havoc in the vagina, causing vaginal and urinary tract infections. Rectal bacteria can also infect the inserted penis (through the open tip, or weakened skin), so it’s better to wear a condom (even if you’re monogamous without STDs). It’s best to try anal sex at the end before cleaning up after sex, but if he really wants to reenter the vagina, first wipe the sex toy or penis and balls thoroughly with baby wipes, then put on a new condom, before reentering her vagina.
Her man should start by teasing the edge of her anus, which is full of sensitive nerve endings and where the erotic sensation is. He can even try licking and tonguing the rim, called rimming.
She should try to relax her anal sphincter, which is the round muscle at the edge of the anus. It tightens to hold in poop, and needs to be relaxed to open. Relax like she’s going to poop, but without pushing out any poop (don’t worry, no poop should come out). She doesn’t want to loosen her anal sphincter by getting penetrated when it’s closed tight, which could be painful and difficult. If it feels loose, she can strengthen it with Kegel exercises (which strengthen pelvic floor muscles, and also help with urinary incontinence and childbirth recovery). She should also consider the girth size of her poop logs. That’s the size her anal sphincter comfortably stretches to. If her man’s penis has more girth size, she may want to practice with fingers and anal toys (like butt plugs) to work up to his size.
Use plenty of lube:
Unlike the vagina, the anal canal has fragile walls and lacks natural lubrication, making it very susceptible to tearing and infections. Thicker water-based lubes (like KY Jelly or Durex) are best, as they: don’t dry out as quickly, work well with condoms, and clean up easily. Oil-based lubes (like Vaseline or Crisco) are less good, as they: weaken latex condoms, and are harder to wash off afterwards. Saliva is a last resort (say, if you run out of lube), as it: isn’t as slippery, dries out quickly, and can cause irritation if contaminated by certain foods. Saliva itself is totally safe (assuming you don’t have STDs), especially if you just brushed your teeth and used mouthwash. However, if he just ate or drank sugary stuff, his saliva in her vagina can increase her likelihood of getting a yeast infection. And if he just ate spicy food, his saliva in her anus can cause a slight burning sensation for her anus and for his inserted penis.
Whatever you choose, make sure her anus is well-lubricated. Before penetration, you can slowly squirt lube in (with a lube shooter/launcher), to pre-coat her anal canal. At the least, lube anything before its insertion, to help it glide in.
Check out my next upcoming column, which will cover: Anal entry by fingering | Anal sex positions for penile insertion | Anal technique, pumping, and sensation | Cleanup