Airport Security Wants to Touch Your Groin (Over and Over)

If you happen to get singled out by security at the airport, the new thing is that they are now patting your groin down so thoroughly that they will stroke it 8 times or so. It seems like most of the security guards are men, so this makes the Groin staff really not want to fly anymore!

http://www.weeklystandard.com/mccormack-hands-on-with-the-tsas-new-enhanced-pat-down-procedure/article/2009631

The Deuce is an Epoch of Trash

Critics are calling HBO’s new drama “The Deuce,” starring James Franco as identical twins and Maggie Gyllenhaal as an experienced hooker who doesn’t need a pimp, a masterpiece. It is not. Instead, it is a canny, unsubtle recreation of the sleazy ’70’s, a film that makes “Boogie Nights” look timid in terms of content but far superior in terms of character and story/ Basically, if you are looking for racial stereotypes, gratuitous references to “A Tale of Two Cities,” and nude scene after nude scene, then the 84 minute pilot is for you. If, on the other hand, you are looking for something gripping and intellectually challenging, look elsewhere. The acting is good but it’s hard to care about sleaze. That said, it is perfect for GROIN because it is full of sex, so we will continue to monitor this show and let everyone know if it gets any better. As art, so far, it fails, but as trash, it succeeds!

Howling 2 Werewolf Botch Redux

What do you get when you take cheesy new wave imitators, werewolves, Transylvania occult rituals, and too many transformation flash back clips from the first film? You guessed it, The Howling 2! Thank the Greasy Dark Overlord that Shout Factory saw fit to rerelease this a year or two back. This was a film that Roger Ebert originally gave 1 star and panned, yet praised Sybil Danning’s performance as the head werewolf occult leader. You have to go into this film expecting a bad but watchable film. Its so bad its good. Whereas the Marsupials sequel of this same franchise licks balls and is entirely unwatchable.

One thing I really like is that Christopher Lee plays the brother of the lead werewolf bitch. He delivers a great monologue at the beginning and end.

If you have seen Vamp with Grace Jones about new-wave and vampires, then this is basically the werewolf version of that. Sybil Danning was so awesome in Hercules with Lou Feregino, as well as in Reform School Girls that she really should get a Groin lifetime achievement award. I had the pleasure of meeting her briefly at the legendary porn studio Metro in LA ( yes she had a porn career). I was waiting in line for this circus themed gangbang and she happened to be the hostess. A midget got shot out of a cannon. One of the fluffer girls would only suck on the tip. Was a billion degrees and us male talents had to stand around in 100 degree heat all day waiting for the female models to get their hair and make-up done. Anyhow, back to the film. Jimmy Nail (of Morons from Outer Space fame) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Nail has a great cameo as some drugged out street party reveler which is a Groin most neglected best supporting actor role of all time.

Did I mention there is a total Frankie Goes to Hollywood live band Body Double rip off scene? And that the song is continually recycled throughout the film ad nauseum, including at inappropriate times. In the end this only adds to the charm though.

You have to forgive these 80’s films for all their new wave stuff. Repo Man, Vamp, The Wraith, and Howling 2 are all part of the kind of pop art that Warhol could have appreciated. They are films that poke fun at the consumerist/materialist nature of the 80s. As such, they have become important time capsules to better understand that era. Its also a good woman empowerment role because Sybil Danning dominates all the men in the film and totally kicks ass. We want to thank Orion studios for having created this wonderful piece of trash which has endearing value to us. Danning proceeds to tear off her outfit and reveal her breasts 17 times during the end credits.

The director, Philippe Mora, is a GROIN Hall of Famer for such films as “The Return of Captain Invincible,” “The Beast Within,” “A Breed Apart,” and the Whitley Strieber biopic “Communion” with Christopher Walken. He says in the commentary that while he used to hate the film with a passion, now he loves it.  Star Reb Brown played Captain America on TV in the 1970’s, with Christopher Lee as the villain, and was Yor in “Yor, The Hunter from the Future.”  Annie McEnroe, the female lead, was in Oliver Stone’s “The Hand” with Michael Caine.  This film is funnier than “Exorcist II” and way sexier than “An American Werewolf in Paris.”  If you want a “howling” bad movie good time, don’t miss this winner!

I Love Heartbeeps

Do you like robots? Also, have you ever wondered what a movie starring Andy Kaufman would be like? Then look no further than “Heartbeeps,” a futuristic science fiction romantic comedy about two robots in love. Played by Andy Kaufman and Bernadette Peters, these robots have wandered away from home, and they fall in love while taking in their new surroundings. There is also a stand-up comedian robot and a “baby” robot, the latter of which is voiced by Jerry Garcia. Randy Quaid appears as a man trying to bring the robots home. With remarkable, Oscar nominated makeup effects by Stan Winston and a terrific electronic score by John Williams, this 1981 sleeper you’ve never heard of is a precursor to “E.T.” Derided as a flop (by Andy Kaufman himself!) but available on widescreen DVD, this film by Alan Arkush (“Rock and Roll High School”) is far better than “Short Circuit” and way ahead of its time. Prepare to laugh and be amazed by this crazy cult flick!

Thoughts on Close Encounters

They have for some reason rereleased the Steven Spielberg classic Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind theatrically. It is competing against such other classics as Nut Job 2. Rather than doing a traditional review, I am going to bring up some questions which came to mind while watching this on the big screen 40 years after the original release.

  1. The first thing which is striking about this film by today’s standards is the extent to which Spielberg trashes the middle class traditional family. The husband is being accosted by his spoiled brat kids, who will not compromise with him regarding family outings and such. The kids and wife are always bugging and nagging him about little things and don’t allow Dreyfuss to realize his full potential as a human being.
  2. The husband leaves the wife (Terri Garr) for Melina Dillon, whose child he saves. He does this to feel like a man and to be a hero. Does Spielberg feel that men should leave their wives in pursuit of adventure and for a higher purpose? The way Dreyfuss leaves with the aliens is not unlike how Jesus’s Apostles were called upon and left everything behind, including their wives and children.
  3. Which brings us to the next point, why was Dreyfuss chosen by the aliens as the sole human to be allowed entry to the spacecraft? The aliens swarm around him in with his arms extended wide (in a messianic fashion). Is Spielberg saying that Dreyfuss becomes the messiah as the aliens decided to share advanced technology or thought with him. Am thinking this has to do something with the telekinesis he has in terms of having been sent the idea to meet the aliens at Devil’s Canyon. Perhaps telekinesis would allow the aliens to speed up the communication with humans to a great extent.
  4. An interesting side-note is that the only other character the aliens choose to interact with in the film is the French scientist played by Trauffaut, a great French director. He does the hand signs that correlate to the notes. Why did the aliens choose him to speak to? Because of his intellectual curiosity??
  5. At the press conference the older cowboy dude discredits the UFO siting by bringing up his Bigfoot experience. Was this guy a nut, genuine, or a government spook who was planted at the news conference in order to discredit the eyewitnesses? Does Spielberg believe in Bigfoot? Poltergeist, A.I., and Close Encounters were the only screenplays he actually wrote by the way. So he was into far out stuff.
  6. The cow mutilations in the film. What’s up with that? The one dude with the glasses does get gassed by the black helicopter. However, the other people take their masks off when they are by the military. Were the cows gassed or precision slayed like in real life? Was the government testing the cows for radiation?
  7. Also , the aliens in the film do have the tall skinny ones, and then the short stubby ones , like in Whitley Strieber’s Communion. Does Spielberg believe this is what aliens really look like and that aliens exist?
  8. Spielberg has been quoted as saying that NASA originally sent him a 20 page letter telling him to not make the film. That making this film would be too dangerous for the general public. What’s up with that???

Blame! A Dystopian Nightmare

Like anime but had it up to here with “Ghost in the Shell” hype? I’ve got a good new anime for you. “Blame!” a Netfix original, may be the best anime since Miyazaki’s “The Wind Rises.” Based on a very popular manga, it deals with a “distant technological future in which civilization has reached its ultimate net-based form (sounds like today!).An infection has caused the automated system to spiral out of order, which results in a multi-leveled city structure that replicates itself in all directions. With humanity having lost access to the city controls and being hunted down and purged by the defense system known as the Safeguard, a little enclave in a corner of the city known as the Electro-Fishers is facing eventual extinction. A girl named Zuru goes on a journey to find food for her village, only to inadvertently cause doom when an observation tower senses her and summons a Safeguard pack to eliminate the threat. With her companions dead and all escape routes blocked, the only thing that can save her now is the sudden arrival of Killy the Wanderer, on his quest for the Net Terminal Genes, the key to restoring order to the world.” (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

This cartoon combines the excitement of “The Matrix” with the craftsmanship of “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within.” Although the plot is similar to quite a bit of science fiction including William Gibson, “The Matrix.” and “The 13th Floor,” the skill of the animation creates a real sense of urgency. While it doesn’t have the charm that many anime films do, it is made with enough skill to be really affecting. The animation is really good, apparently CGI but looking hand-drawn. I found myself unable to look away during the entire film. If you’re looking for proof that anime is still great, check out “Blame!”; the filmmakers are certainly blameless.

 

The Cold Cash War is On

I had heard about this late 70’s early 80’s book called the Cold Cash War on a conspiracy web site. Shortly thereafter, I stumbled upon copy at a second hand book store store in quaint downtown Salinas. Supposedly the book is supposed to be coded by the Illuminati about the future or something. I don’t know if that is true or not, but the author (Robert Asprin) certainly was an underrated visionary.

The plot is about corporate mercenary armies and terrorists hired by the MNC’s to fight proxy wars and target corporate execs who are disagreeable. What happens is that the corporations go to war with each other. This is simultaneous to a new emerging global corporate currency, which threatens the primacy of the nation-state sovereigns. A Yakuza-like corporate system complete with sword-armed Samurai on the one side. And complex mechanized weaponry on the government side face off at the end.

The parallels between the events in the book and the events of 911, in which corporate execs were targeted in the WTC are spooky. The mercenary army of sword-wielding modern warriors fighting a proxy war for the international corporations is indeed eerily similar to how ISIS fights in the Middle East today. Also the idea of big corporations getting together on a global currency bears minor resemblance to the concept of BRIC’s http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-09-02/de-dollarization-accelerates-china-readies-yuan-priced-crude-oil-benchmark-backed-go, a multinational commodities based currency , which is a component of a global monetary reset , according to conspiracy theorists: http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-08-30/gold-reset-10000oz-coming-january-1-2018-rickards-0 The corporate currency in the story also resembles crypto-currencies to some extent. And it is ironic that Burger King just launched the first big corporate involved crypto a week or two ago: http://www.adweek.com/creativity/burger-king-just-launched-its-own-cryptocurrency-the-whoppercoin/ And the government just so happens to be cracking down on cryptos this year for the first time: http://www.investopedia.com/news/irs-eyes-profits-bitcoin-and-bitcoin-cash-investments/

GGF Picks : 8/31

Race 1:
Horse 3 Booze Cruise to place.
Horse 5 Fans on the run to win.

Race 2:
Horse 5 Get er Done for the win.

Race 3:
Horse 3 Lacey’s Rainbow for the win.

Race 4:
Horse 6 Secret Agent Girl, place and show bet.
Horse 5 Esperanza’s Mobile wins.

Race 5:
Horse 5 One Tough Minister to place.

Race 6:
Horse 6 Aloha Spirit win/place/show bet

Race 7:
Horse 5 Ted Oliver (my favorite horse in the world) for the win. Win/place to be on the safer side of the bet.

Update: Aside from a scratched horse or two, I nailed about two thirds of these picks this time, at pretty long odds on many. Am going to be cashing in some big payouts!     

 

 

Birth of Dragon : Good Action / Bad Plot

I am reviewing this film as a martial artist and a fan of Bruce Lee’s. Having trained Kajukenbo 4 years or so, and having met grandmasters there who told first hand accounts of having trained with him, I can attest that this film has a somewhat inaccurate depiction of Lee. I also read Lee’s street fighting technique books and his book Tao of Jeet Kune Do. The martial arts kicked ass in this movie. There are killer stunts throughout, and awesome fight choreography. The actors deserve credit for their techniques. Lee was much more spiritual than what was depicted in the film. This film makes him look like megalomaniac. and a thug.

Nobody cares about the middle aged, abused white guy who wants to get with the human trafficked Chinese restaurant worker. Therein lies the problem with this film. Had it just relied on the story of Bruce Lee, and been more respectful to him, and would have been solid. But the subplot involving Lee’s annoying student kills the film’s credibility, and makes it not as watchable.

One bright spot of the film was the part where Lee’s challenger, a Shaolin monk from China, shows him a point about not knowing his own limitations and capabilities well enough. Know thyself, and know thy enemy is a concept the film embraces. The monk also brings a theme of humbleness to the film. There are some positive attributes to the film.

If you are a martial artist , see the film strictly for the action scenes involving the Lee and the monk character. You will see some really good Wing Chung and Jeet Kune Do. Their respective acting performances were pretty strong as well. Unfortunately, the rest of the film is a bit hokey.

Dark Castle Macintosh Very Underrated

aSometimes I flash back to my favorite childhood memories. One of the most fond of these memories is playing “Dark Castle” at my friend’s house in the late 1980’s. What is “Dark Castle”? It’s a black-and-white platform game with an extremely engaging soundtrack and very fun gameplay. It was one of the first games where you used both the keyboard and a mouse to control the action. In it, you play Prince Duncan, who is on a quest to topple the throne of the Black Knight and save his town. In order to do this, he must enter the Dark Castle and travel to and survive the four sections of the castle. This involves the player entering the castle doors and entering the four doors, which lead to Fireball, Shield, Trouble and The Black Knight.

 

This game was an intense, better-than-arcade quality experience at the time because it was fun to play and listen to and it created a believable fantasy environment. The monochrome display enhanced the game, giving it a surreal quality. The game was ported over to MS-DOS, Commodore 64, the Amiga, Atari ST, IIGS, Sega Genesis, CD-I, and MSX. The game is also available for download on some cell phones. Two sequels, “Beyond the Dark Castle” (1987) and “Return to Dark Castle” (2008) followed. Check it out on YouTube; this game still rocks! I’m ready to enter a time machine and play through the Macintosh “Dark Castle” again, and I suggest you do the same!