Due to the Challenger disaster, and being stuck as the world’s policeman – the US has not been back to the moon in 50 years. Meanwhile, China and the EU are planning to build a moon base, complete with mining and tourism.
The US is getting left in the spacedust. I am glad President Trump told the astronauts in space the other day to speed up the time frame for the first U.S. mission to Mars and to get it done in his first term if possible.
This movie is not the Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence jail comedy. Its about a crew fighting a killer amoeba. Although the overall quality of films the last five or ten years has spiked downward, sci-fi has spiked upward in quality with some wonderful films that haven’t gotten the attention they deserve. The current film “Life,” for example, is a very interesting “Alien” knockoff about what would happen if we discovered alien life on Mars. The answer: nothing good. We think we’re getting “E.T.” and instead we’re getting something worse than The Thing. This film has interesting characters, some believable science, and is a tremendously inspired production. The director uses long, painstakingly crafted sequences to draw us in and (hopefully) make us forget we’re watching a movie. The performances of Jake Gylllenhaal, Rebecca Ferguson, and Ryan Reynolds draw us in, and, although the film is similar to “Alien,” it scares us.
The new film “Phoenix Forgotten,” produced by Ridley Scott, is a found-footage film in the style of “The Blair Witch Project” about the Phoenix Lights UFO incident from 1997. A group of teens witness the event and decide to investigate further and film what they find. Bad idea. It turns out that the incident is much more sinister in nature than they thought. Will they survive? Maybe not, but their quest proves somewhat compelling as all of us are curious about UFO’s. The film is well-made, acted, and scored and delivers some terror on a low budget. It’s not great, but you could do worse.
Fedor is the new Russian spacebot, and he can shoot the place up! He was pictured slinging gats the other day. His primary objective is to assist with spacewalks and repairs, and routine mundane daily chores while aboard. This enables the other astronauts to work on experiments or other more pertinent things. The spacewalks cost millions per walk, so the robot will save a lot of cash. As an American I am a bit jealous of the awesome looking robot, and I want our government to immediately make our own US spacebot who will kick the Russian bot’s ass.
The world’s first sexbot with AI capabilities has just hit the market:
Harmony’s AI head sells for under $10k. Her capabilities, in terms of having a programmable personality (done via app.),mark a historic milestone in robotics and AI. A lot of her facial features are now animatronic. She forms a relationship with you, to an extent. Besides rocking your world, she mostly does this by remembering things you say to her, and making conversation out of it. Having some emotional connection makes her more than just a casual encounter. This adds further intimacy and excitement.
Tired of big Hollywood stinkers like “Assassin’s Creed” and “Beauty and the Beast”? Ready for some serious B-movie fun? Prepare yourself for two movies out on DVD that are way more entertaining than that “Boss Baby” crap.
First up is the 2009 remake of “Night of the Demons,” which stars Shannon Elizabeth (from “American Pie”), Monica Keena (from “Freddy Vs. Jason”) and Edward Furlong (no introduction needed). This film follows the basic plot and features many of the same exploitative elements (read: boobs) that made the 1988 movie with Linnea Quigley (who cameos here) so much fun. In short, a bunch of dorky college kids plus a drug dealer (Furlong) get together at an old New Orleans manor to celebrate Halloween. Soon they discover that the house is a conduit for demons who want to possess seven of them and take over the world. Can Edward Furlong and company stop taking heroin and playing spin the bottle long enough to save the world?
This is a $10 million film that went straight to video, probably because the original film is not nearly as famous as classics like “The Omen” and “Halloween.” The story is acceptable and the special effects, makeup effects, and other technical attributes are really good. The only actor to make an impression is Furlong, who plays his part convincingly and with pathos. He deserves a chance at a comeback. Overall, the film is about as good as the original, which means it’s undistinguished but tons of fun. Readers are advised to rent it on Netflix.
Second up is 1988’s “Nightmare at Noon,”(aka “Death Street U.S.A.”) a truly whacko ripoff of “The Crazies” about a mute albino (played by Brion James) who starts a government experiment by contaminating the water of a small town, turning those unfortunate people who drink it into crazed killers. Meanwhile, a scummy lawyer (played by Wings Hauser) and his wife pick up a hitchhiker (Bo Hopkins) on their way into this town while the sheriff (played by George Kennedy) and his daughter try to figure out what’s going on.
Basically this starts as a zombie film, turns into sort of a western (“High Noon” is playing at the town drive-in.), and then it turns into a high-concept “Blue Thunder” kind of thing. It’s completely crazy and absolutely never dull. George Kennedy is great, the technical credits are good and the music by Stanley Myers and Hans Zimmer are very effective. Bo Hopkins and Wings Hauser are quite the team, having also starred together in “Mutant,” In short, this is a crazy killer B film that is worth seeking out.
I should note, in closing, that I had never heard of either of these two films before picking them up. As a result, they were much better than expected. Check out “Night of the Demons” (2009) and “Nightmare at Noon” if you want good old-fashioned B-movie fun! –CoolAC
Imagine if you could be killed for answering the phone at the wrong time. Well, that’s what veteran director Michael Anderson (“Logan’s Run,” “Orca”) did and the result is “Murder by Phone,” a 1981 thriller so outlandish that I’m shocked it hasn’t been available since a 1982 VHS release. The idea is this: a disgruntled former phone company employee has found a deadly phone signal. First, you make the mistake of answering his call. Then, he pushes a button and the signal is transmitted. First, you go deaf from the signal. Then, your head fries. It all takes about 10 or 20 seconds.
Who can stop this maniac? Well, ecologist Richard Chamberlain (from “King Solomon’s Mines”) is on the case, while Academy Award winner John Houseman looks on. While not a well-known film, this film delivers great cheesy deaths and a rousing anti-corporate message. The strange electronic score is by John Barry. If you can find this movie, you will amaze your friends with this bizarre and entertaining film. After seeing this film, you will be very glad that everyone can now screen their calls. In short, “Murder by Phone” (aka “Bells”) dials the right number for terror.
We always hear a lot about discrimination against women, minorities, and the LGBT community. All well and good, but what about disabled people? They face discrimination in the workplace, dating, at school, and even at restaurants. And what do they get in return? They get a monthly stipend and a lot of bogus sympathy. That’s why we here at GROIN are proposing this solution: free sexbots for disabled people.
Think about it: who has a more difficult time getting laid than disabled people? Sexbots could be exciting for disabled people and at the same time helpthem stay healthy and physically fit. Getting rejected at the bar? No problem, you’ve got a sexbot to come home to. Tired of just being friends? Well, your new sexbot will take care of your needs.
Of course we realize that many people will be outraged by this suggestion. To which we say: when was the last time you’ve helped a disabled person get laid? This solution will help cure depression and will help mitigate the ups and downs that disabled people go through.
Free sexbots for disabled people now! Disabled lives matter. –CoolAC
I thought I knew what to expect from “Ghost in the Shell.” I assumed it would have great visuals and a mindless plot. I was right about the visuals. Although the futuristic city portrayed in the film looks a little too close to “Blade Runner,” overall the film is convincing and occasionally mind-blowing in terms of its visual impact. The surprise about the new film is that director Rupert Sanders has a story to tell, and tells it well. What would it be like to be an android (or, actually, a cyborg) with no body to call your own and memories you can’t trust? This film tells you.
I was very impressed with the cast that this film put together. It is true that Scarlett Johannson is rather miscast as the heroine, but this is only because her character is supposed to be Asian. She should have asked for rewrites to tailor the part more to her. However, “Beat” Takeshi Kitano (the Japanese action star), Juliette Binoche, and Michael Pitt are excellent in their roles.
The film is getting a lot of flack for supposedly “whitewashing” Japanese material. On the contrary, the film is very respectful to the magna and anime series, and to such a degree that I’m rather stunned. The scenes where the protagonist discovers the truth about herself are rather affecting. This film succeeds in capturing the essence of the film series, and I would not mind a sequel to this film. If you like science fiction and especially if you like anime, check it out! – CoolAC
A man in China has married his robot, after getting frustrated trying to find a girlfriend. He carried his wife to the ceremony, where she wore a traditional red veil. I kind of like that the man took a very practical approach to why he married her. At this point she says a few simple phrases, but cannot walk. The husband does plan many upgrades.
A couple in Kenya literally got STUCK while having sex in the spoon position.
What happened is that this couple were a pair of cheaters, and the cuckold husband used a magic potion on his victims (known in the USA as Super Glue). I bet he found the lube she was using and mixed it in there. Anyhow, this couple got stuck while fucking and so they called for help. Naturally when you yell, “Help me – my dick’s stuck!!!” at the top of your lungs you will draw a crowd. The crowd wound up parading/passing the couple through the streets to the hospital. The crowds gawked. The damsel cowered. And the guy with his dick stuck seemed to enjoy the attention.