GROIN

The entire game/PUA scene can be distilled to a simple concept: be appealing and keep the upper hand.

By the first, they mean be sexy, a word which then takes on different meanings in different contexts. What is sexy at a gathering of medical students may not be sexy at a gathering of sorority sisters at a fourth-tier college.

(If you’re one of those men who is intimidated by a woman having an advanced degree, stop here. I am as traditional as any of you, but in these times, one way a woman does sexy is being intelligent and motivated. If that threatens your sense of masculinity, it was never that strong to begin with.)

Sexy includes a certain degree of self-possession, which is also part of keeping the upper hand:

I never saw Alys again (and admittedly, I haven’t seen or heard from Gavin in forever), but I never forgot her. Over the years, I’ve tried to figure out what it was about Alys that made her so magnetic. Certainly she was very warm and friendly, but honestly, it was more than that. And I think I’ve finally figured it out:

She was confident. And confidence is, ultimately, sexy. BlogHer

Well, isn’t that typical modern palaver.

They distill it down to one word, and then repeat it again, as if it’s self-evident.

Confidence, in their view, is something you put on like an act. Not surprisingly, most PUA/MRA/game resources focus on how to fake it.

I can’t tell you how to fake it. Here’s how to produce it, as a cause (origin) not effect (appearance) in yourself:

1. Assertiveness. This makes you appealing. You show you have direction, standards, values and are open to the joy of life.
2. Purpose. You cannot have confidence without it. The source of assertiveness and confidence is that you are not aimless, hoping for a convenient lay, or beer, or whatever, to drift your way. You’re here for a reason, your time is valuable, and you intend to accomplish something.
3. Independence. For you to be confident, you need to not need anyone or anything. Can’t get your favorite beer; fine, either another drink or nothing is acceptable. What is not acceptable is whining. This shows you have no greater purpose in life than finding your favorite beer (loser).
4. Standards. You dress like a man, not a boy; you clearly have some behaviors that are off-limits; you have some form of career or other knowledge that shows you’re not just aimless. You have a moral compass and limits. Also, you’ll never settle for second-best. This forces everyone in the room to recognize you as apart from the hamsters.
5. Values. Here’s a hint to modern man-boys: values are not something reserved for fat conservative politicians who are busy nailing strippers/boys in airport bathrooms. Values are a real thing that pervade your life whether you accept it or not. Values say “this is what I stand for, based on the decisions I’ve made.” It’s good to be open-minded when you’re 15. After a few experiences, you should be learning. By the time you’re a man, you want to know what you think about the things you are likely to encounter, both in daily life and your profession. You need to know what you want out of life and be aware of all that humanity has learned so far. This means you take on values; this means “welcome to conservatism” because reckless individualism (liberalism) has no values. Man up and deal.
6. Joy of life. You need to show you enjoy things. This world is full of bitter husks who know what they hate (again, most liberals). You not only have standards, values and other restraints, but you have purpose — why? — because you like being alive. Because you believe in life. Because you don’t care if when you die your little spark vanishes like turning off an old cathode-ray tube. You’re here to rock hard and ride free for as long as you can.
7. Courage. Every person, man or woman, needs courage. Masculine courage takes the form of being ready to fix the situation, no matter what the cost (even death). Not only fix it, but make it better, and not only wait for a disaster, but actively be looking for chances to set things right, create beauty, smite down the weasely and raise up the promising. That’s vir and it is the topic of this blog. Masculine courage is not measured only in physical acts; it may be as simple as being the person to speak up and point something out, or guide others. It’s also physical courage. If you’re lazing in your favorite bar and al_Qaeda attacks, the man who will be seen as most manly is the guy who stands up right away and says, “Barkeep, take the women to the basement. All other able-bodied men, follow me. And if I get it, tell my wife/mom/cat I love her.”

These are not the easy answers.

Most PUAs/MRAs/gamists/etc are out there to pitch easy answers to fat, sloppy, undisciplined, fearful, indecisive, neurotic, selfish, lazy and dysfunctional hamsters. These hamsters constitute a huge audience and the object is to sell these idiots books or blog posts, or something, and make money from the grub they bring back from their entry-level technology jobs.

Life isn’t easy answers. Sometimes it is simple answers — if the boar attacks, kill the motherfucker — but it’s not easy answers. Easy answers are lazy answers. Lazy means selfish. Selfish means afraid of the world. If you forcibly exiled every selfish person you encountered, you’d not only eliminate a bad, but you’d leave life wide open for those who actually want to live it.

The easy answer is “act confident.” The truth is that you need to build up a basis for that confidence in order to have it, and as a result, you’ll be more than sexy — you’ll be a catch.